I sometimes look in the mirror and think about all the things I would like to change. At first it is just this small thing, or that right there...but give me a little bit and I will have a long list of thing I want changed about me. And they are mostly things that are within my power to change. The list can be so overwhelmingly long that it seems like I have no idea where to start. Like when you have been really sick for a long time and then when you get better and back on your feet and you face a house that has been with out attention for a week....it is over whelming and hard to find a place to start. Anyway this rambling of mine is leading somewhere...I think. The last few months I have been looking at myself...not the physical, (although that surly needs some attention) but me...the person. And I am overwhelmed with how many things I need to change about myself. It find myself tired from trying to fix these flaws, and constantly failing. Like complaining. It seems like some days that is all I do. I just complain...but when I step back, I am so blessed and should be nothing but grateful!! And I am judgemental. My first reaction is not one of understanding and love, but of judgment! And I am jealous. Jealous of *THINGS*. I mean really, what more could my God give me!!! I already have more than I deserve!! And I am not confident in myself. I get so frustrated that I second guess everything I do.
I guess this is the normal struggle we have as humans, but I am finding it hard to want to live up to what I read and study in the bible, and yet there just seems like so much that needs to be changed inside me. One day at a time I guess.
2 comments:
I feel the same way. I always feel like I should be better at something, be a better person. And like you, I feel like I fail. But the good news is that GOD can make us better, even when we can't! He forgives us and changes us and helps us when we can't even help ourselves!
I am soooooo right there with you! It is sooo hard to get it all started, too. It takes much more strength, knowledge and understanding to follow God than it does to follow the world. How easy it is to get overwhelmed, too - to be able to rise above that and not feel swallowed whole is a battle. Like I said, I'm right there with you. There are so many traits I need and want to change...
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