It Is Well With My Soul

I have been listening to the song "It Is Well With My Soul" a lot lately.

This song really tells how I feel. That no matter what, in good or in bad, it is well with my soul. I have faith in the fact that God will work everything out for good. In His eternal plan. That is the key! The hard things that I have faced, have taught me this. That the only part of me that is eternal, my soul, is okay and at peace with it all. My mind and my body, those are not eternal things, but my soul is content with how God is leading and dealing with me and my life. I know He has an eternal plan. It is His will that I want most of all, and above anything else, because I know that His will is better than anything I can come up with. He has that eternal foresight, He knows the future. So even if my mind, body and heart struggle, and I may feel week at times, there is one constant....it is well with my soul. I am so thankful that He has saved my soul. I can't wait to meet Him.

When peace like a river attendath my way

when sorrow like sea billows roll

whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say

It is well, it is well with my Soul!

And Lord hast the day when my faith shall be sight

the clouds be rolled back as a scroll

the trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend

even so, It is well with my Soul!

I wish I were sick...

I do! If it meant that my kids would not be sick, then I would do it in a heartbeat. It is so hard to see them sick, even the normal little kid illnesses that they get are hard for me to watch. Hannah was pretty sick for over a week, just a little bit ago, and now Ben came down with a significant fever that almost went away completely yesterday and then spiked again last night. Now he has been up through the night with a hollow cough and signs that his throat is hurting. So to the doctor we will go, when they open the office. His face and his little whimper are almost too much for this mama. I want to have Dan take him, so I don't cry but at the same time, there is NO way I am leaving his side :) Does that make sense? I just wish there were a way to take it away and see him sleeping peacefully and feeling good. Ben is such a happy little person. Being sick, changes how he is and I don't like seeing him so upset and uncomfortable. So of course, I will rock him and wipe him down with a damp cloth, and give him Motrin and everything I can. It is 3:51 am as I am writing this, and that is fine with me. I am amazed at how my mind and body react to lack of sleep and rest, when one of my little ones are sick. It's that "no matter what needs to be done, I can do it" thing.
Although I am now paying for the spoiling my daughter received when she was sick. She is now getting up around 3 am to "wock" and have some "juice". Which is what I did not say no to when she was sick. You should have seen her face tonight when I came into the room and told her to "go back to bed". Her eyes got big and she looked so hurt!! I "WANTED" to just pick her up and rock her, but I DON'T want to keep getting up in the middle of the night just to rock her and give her juice. So I am standing my ground...my tired, worried, determined 3:57 am self. One sick little guy on the couch and one broken hearted girl in the bed. Yep, this is what I call a blessed life. I love serving my family. God has given me such satisfaction in doing it. He is so good to me. So I am gonna go help my boy try and get comfortable and check on my girl who has been quiet for a little while. And then maybe, maybe get some more sleep before this day starts.

Why art thou cast down, O my soul??

I am having one of those days. One where, my spirit is heavy and my mind is clouded. It is nothing HUGE, just one of those "blue" days. Like that verse in Ps. 42... "Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God."
If I went on my emotions, I would be up and down by the hour, and if I counted on my world to stay "steady" I would never have security. My hope is in my God. The ONLY never changing thing around me. He is a solid rock, one that will never leave me alone or weak. When I was at the coast I saw these rocks, in the ocean, being constantly hit and covered with waves, only to re-appear still standing strong, no matter what came they were there. It reminded me of my Lord and His faithfulness to me. No matter what happens in my life He is strong enough to ALWAYS be there. Although these sad days will come, still I have this "Hope" and I am grateful for that.
We were out working in the garden earlier and Ben was talking about the corn plants. I told him that God made the plants and gave them to us. He turned to Hannah and said "sissy, look what God made"!!! It was cute, but so true. It made me remember when we got Ben and then got Hannah....when we took them out to meet people at church or around, I would say "Look what God did!!!!!" I remember being so excited! (it makes me excited just thinking about those wonderful days of getting our babies) So why has that changed? It does not have to be a HUGE BIG GIFT of a baby to see His wonderful blessings!! Our corn plants are wonderful blessings!! My boy who recognized our Creator, is a blessing!! Why am I not saying "look what God did!!" What a lesson.
Why is my spirit cast down, because I am human, but even bigger than that, I am a child of the KING!! And because of that, my hope is in Him. I can feel this "down" feeling, and still know that no matter what I still have hope! All I have to do is look around and say "look what God did!!!" I may feel blue for the moment, but that will pass and I know who holds tomorrow.

That's just not fair!!

Today Ben had his 3 year check up. I know he turned 3 in April, but because of the way we got him, and that every new placement has to take the baby for a "check up" it got his schedule of check up's a little off. I was dreading this one. Last year at his 2 year check they said he would not need shots until his 3 year check. Now back then, with both babies and their shots, it felt like I was in the doctors office every three months with one of them, getting their shots. I was so glad for the break!! It broke this mama's heart to see them both get shots!! So because he is older and can now possibly "blame" me for his shots, I set it up at a time where daddy could take him!!!!!!!!! I told Dan it was his turn and that I was not sure I could do it. Not with that boys big blue eyes and a pitiful cry like Ben's got. Dan agreed and I was relieved!!
So off my boys went this morning. I thought about him the WHOLE time!!! And when they got home I asked Dan how Ben was doing. That is when Dan said there were NO shots!!!! WHAT!!???? That is so not fair!! I would have gone if I'd known that!! You know, to be there to ask all the little mommy questions. How did Dan luck out like that, I am not sure. I am happy for my boy, and glad he did not need any shots, but still!! All those shots I saw my babies get and then Dan goes and NOTHING!!
Oh well, guess that is how it goes. I am blessed and thankful that he got a good report!! He is in the 87% for his height and 85% for his weight! He is a BIG HEALTHY BOY!! Praise God! (now if we can just get his little sister on the charts!!! lol!! oh.....she did just hit a whopping 23LBS! go Hannah go!)

Nothing went right!

Today was suppose to be a great, fun, neat day with my family. My great Uncle was in Redding visiting and we were going to a big Coulter family get together. I was excited to get to see so many family members I had not seen in years!! I was excited to take my kids and have them meet everyone. And I was excited to see my mom and give her the gift I had been working really hard on for her. It was gonna be a GREAT day!!
It all started to unravel yesterday when I went to save the slide show I had worked on for my mom. I went to make the dvd and NOPE the program was not gonna do it. I tried EVERYTHING but it was just NOT gonna work. But I kept a positive out look. I could just take my computer and let her see in on there and then send her the dvd later.
Then this morning I got up and started to get everything packed we would need for the trip to Redding. We did a quick run up town for some mother's day things for church tomorrow, and things seemed to be going as planned. After getting home, Dan and Hannah ran up town to get things they said they needed for tomorrow and I did the last few things to get us ready to go. They came home and that is when things went down hill. The battery light came on in the car and Dan had to figure it out before we could leave. So I got the kids ready and was excited, because the kids looked extra cute and I had just lost enough weight to fit in my smaller jeans!!! I felt good and was ready to get out of this house!
BUT that is not what happened. The alternator was shot and the trip was off. It was a bummer. I really wanted to see my family. So I put the kids down for a nap and Dan went to try and fix the car. After the kids got up, Dan had not been able to get his mom her gift yet, so while he worked, I put the kids in the stroller and set out to find my MIL a gift. Now she is hard to buy for, not sure just what to get her. Once I finally found her a gift, and was hot and sweaty and that "looking good in my jeans" feeling had left for good, we walked back home. Which is when we found out that daddy needed a different tool and was gonna walk to Kmart to get it. So I headed in to make dinner.
I was in the kitchen for just a few moments when I got a bad feeling...not sure what it was, but I knew to check the kids. And that is when I saw my little girl standing in a very weird position. She has been potty trained and is very good about telling me when she needs to go, but guess today was different. I asked her what was wrong and she started to pee...right there on my floor. So I jumped the kiddie gate and scooped her up and headed to the bathroom. Where I started to pull off her pants and discovered a she had done a little more than pee her pants!!!! OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH it smelled so bad!!! I told her to stay right there and I would be right back (big mistake). I ran and got a wash cloth, and when I came back.....it was sooooooooooo gross. She had crawled up onto the toilet, and gotten her shorts and panties off.....BY KICKING HER LEGS AS HARD AS SHE COULD!!!!!!! Yep POOP EVERYWHERE!!! On the floor the walls the toilet....oh man. Hannah is a cute little thing, but it is amazing how fast the cuteness can fade in a situation like this!!! SO instead of dinner...we did BATH time!!!!!!! I cleaned up and then gave both the kids a bath. Of course Ben decided to play with momma and daddy's soap...(a no no) and got it in his eyes. This was just too much for Ben so the WHOLE time the kids were in the bath, there was the crying from Ben. At one point when I thought I was gonna lose it, I started to sing, and I just kept singing. Over the crying and the splashing and the smell that was stuck in my nose. The kids calmed down, and so did I. It got us relaxed enough to finish up. I just wanted to go to bed at this point and start again!!! I FINALLY got to head back into the kitchen to make dinner. By that time Dan was back and working on the car again. I started to run out there and complain to him about "what HIS daughter had done"...but then I thought that HIS day has been a bummer too!!! And that he was out there saving us money by fixing the car himself. So I thought I would make him a glass of tea!!! OF COURSE the tea was gone, so I had to make some more up. So I did, I made it up and filled a glass for him. I put the tea container (the kind with a spout at the bottom) in the fridge and took the glass out to him. Then came back in to feed the kids. I opened the fridge and ........tea was EVERYWHERE!!!!! The spout was open!!! SOOOOOOO after cleaning the tea up I finally fed the kids. They had pizza and yogo bites. This ended by mom on the floor picking up all the yogo bites that Ben had spilled.
So today, the day before mother's day, nothing went as planned. But it was still great to be a mom today, and I am praying that tomorrow goes better, or at least has less poop!! These days come, but it is great to have blessings mixed in with the hard parts. It is now a little less than an hour before bed time and I am hoping things go well!!! :)

Praying

I write a lot about my kiddos, but that is my life and that is how it should be. I believe God has called us to serve Him, and part of that is serving our husbands and children. I would not want it any different. I am so blessed to be able to devote all of my time and attention to my family. My husband works hard and makes sure that I am able to be home with our two little blessings. Could not ask for more than that. And I am trying to notice and appreciate as much as I can before they are grown...and not as cute as they are now lol!

I am sooo not perfect and make mistakes everyday, but I am doing my best and I believe the Lord will bless because of my effort.

Every once in awhile the kids will do something that warms my heart and reminds me of why I put so much work into my job as their mama. Last night at church was one of those times. It was time to start services and our Pastor (who is also grandpa to my kids) said that he was going to open in prayer. So I had Hannah and told her we need to be quiet while grandpa talked to Jesus. Ben was on Dan's lap. And Dan told Ben we were going to pray and to bow his head. Grandpa started his prayer out "Dear Heavenly Father" , which is the same way we start out prayers at home. At home I say a phrase and the kids repeat after me. Well Ben just went right along with that thought and repeated what his grandpa was praying. He did it through the whole prayer. Grandpa would say a phrase and Ben would repeat it. It was so sweet and what a great picture it gave....a grandpa, praying and his grandson following along and learning from him. I am so thankful for my kids' grandparents. On each side they will have strong examples of faith. Ben prayed in church last night and it warmed my heart. There are blessing all around!