I live in a house FULL of blessings! I mean BUSTING at the seams with God's mercy, grace and goodness!! Three of my FAVORITE blessings are the little people who fill up my days with joy, giggles, work, and sometimes tears! My Ben, my Hannah and my Ruthie!Ben and Hannah each came home BEFORE they had their first birthdays. It is kinda hard for me as their mama, to not be able to "remember" when they were born. The story, how long the labor was, what kind of day it was etc. With Ruthie's birthday coming up here REALLY soon, I am finding that this one is so different! There is not "boy look how much she has changed since her last birthday"!, or remembering where she was and what she was doing "last birthday". She may be turning 2, but it "feels" like her first birthday. Not sure that even makes sense.
It is an odd feeling to want to do the normal "looking back" and not be able to! I know that this will be the only birthday that will be like this for me. Next birthday, I will be able to look back on this one! Most of all, I am feeling the sadness that I was not there on her first birthday. I missed it. She came to us after that. God has a plan and I trust that He sent her to us at just the right time, I just wish I could go back and remember her first year. I have so many years with her ahead of me and I am so excited and ready for that. But this week, I am missing the time I did not have with her. My baby, my little blue eyed bundle of strength! She amazes me with her will and determination. I am so proud of her, and so blessed that God chose me to be her mama.
So this will be the last birthday with Ruthie, where I can NOT look at pictures from last birthday and "reminisce" . Next year, I will be able to take out the "hundreds" of pictures I plan to take of my youngest at her party, and "look back" on the great year we had!
The little things you take for granted when you get to have your baby with you the first year of their life.
1 comment:
But you can look back at all she's changed since she's been with you.
But I do completely understand. I have a friend that has two children via international adoption both home just after their first birthdays and their next was a domestic adoption so for child #3 she got to have her very first 1st birthday.
So many things that make adoptive parenting different. But so blessed as well.
Post a Comment