Same ole same ole

YES!! I know all I write a lot about what Ben says!!! But he just won't stop talking!!!! I think I am going to have to really work with him. He has said some things that a man should NEVER say about a lady :) Last week on his birthday my mom and dad called. When my mom asked him how old he was he said "tree" and she said "you are so big!" then my son said "no I not big mama's big"!!!! Now I know that he meant bigger than him, but big and a woman's name should NEVER be in a sentence!! Gonna work on that one. THEN yesterday on my birthday, when I am not really feeling "YOUNG" (not really OLD, but not young) I was walking down the hall and he screams and runs and says "AHHHH here comes the DINOSAUR!!!" I mean REALLY? Dinosaur? on my BIRTHDAY!!!! Talk about making me feel a little older than I thought I was :)
He is so much fun, and he just does not stop talking!!! I can't imagine when Hannah starts it up too!!! WOW!! Talk about entertainment!!!

Does this seem wrong to anyone else??

It has been a little over three months since I had my D&C. What has been eating me up is the money. Yes the money! I just get more mad the more I think about it. We are of course now starting to pay off the bill....about $3,500 for the D&C....that does NOT include all the doctor apointments before hand or after. But that is how life is and I am not surprised, I am okay with it. What I have had such a hard time with is that in California the average cost for an abortion (a D&C only with a live baby) is.......wait for it........$395.00!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, if I had made the choice to end my baby's life and had an abortion, my bill would only be $395!!!!!!! So in California, murder is cheap! I can't say it any other way!!! They are stopping a beating heart. But since I lost mine to miscarriage....$3,500.00!!!!! Does this seem wrong to anyone else!!! Guess this is my soap box, but I don't think there is a better soap box to be on!!! What happened to the sanctity of LIFE?

Oh be Careful little mouth what you say...

My kids are in what I like to call "the tape recorder" stage. They seem to be recording whatever I say and then repeating it at very unexpected times!! To tell you the truth, it has done me A LOT of good. Made me realize my tone, and my words. Making sure I try to keep my speech nice and up lifting...although, daily I fail. There have been a few times that both Dan and I feel bad that the kids are repeating US and that we can't blame it on anyone else!!! The other day Ben started saying "SHUT UP!" ....well that is me!!! I never say it in a mean way to the kids, like when I want them to be quiet. I say "shut up" like in the Princess Diaries....when her grandmother tells her that she is a real princess and she says "SHUT UP!!" well that is how I use that word, but my kids don't know that. They just started saying shut up! So that is one thing I have taken out of my vocabulary. Well this morning Ben let me know another thing I say a lot. I was in the living room and a song came on the TV...you know the "hot diggidy dog" song at the end of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, well I started to dance (I ONLY dance in front of my kids and NO ONE ELSE!!) Ben looked up at me with embarrassment on his face and said, (with polite words) "mommy please stop it" I said "no way I'm having fun!!" to which he replied, "please stop, I'm trying to work here!!!" I heard myself right then!!! It was so funny to hear from him. And I am glad it was not something too bad. I say that to the kids when I am trying to get something done and they keep needing things. What a reality check!! Just goes to remind me that if they can learn the wrong things I say so easy, then they can learn good ones too!!! Like the other day the 4 of us were in the car. Hannah was crying a little and Ben said "what's wrong baby girl??? you okay? what you need?" it was nice to hear him repeat some of our "nice" words. Life has become so entertaining since my kids started talking LOL!!!!!! You NEVER know what they might say next!!

Ben's birthday.....mixed feelings

Well my boy is three years old today!! It is so great to have him in my life. I am so blessed to be able to say I am his mama!! He is a great, sweet kid and I love watching him grow! But, there is a hard part for me, on each of my kids birthday's, because I was not there. I can't go back and remember the day my babies were born. I can't say what they looked like, felt like, sounded like. I guess this is just a normal part of adoption. There is so much more good than bad, and every thing is worth those precious babies. But I still hurt, from missing the birth of my children. It is also hard to think about his first day. When he was born, he was alone. Well he had his nurses, but there was not family there to hug him and tell him how cute he was and kiss him and touch him. I was not there to comfort him. He was just in that hospital nursery...when all the other babies were being taken to their mama's...he was just there....wish I could have been there and held him. I am so thankful that the Lord was there, making sure he was okay until we could get to him. I know that he is fine and doing great today, and praise God for that. But the mama part of me wishes I could have been there on that wonderful day that he was born. I think the more birthday's that go by the easier it will be. I am so glad that God chose me to be his mom. I am so blessed. I sure love my boy! Three years old today!! It is going by too fast.

"Him's Not There"

Today was a wonderful Easter! The kids looked so cute and church was great with lots of friends and family! The food was good and it was neat to watch the kids search for the eggs and get too much candy! But my most favorite part of today was a few sweet moments the Lord let me share with my son! (sometimes people say how blessed those kids are that we adopted them, but they are all soooo wrong. WE are the blessed ones to get to have them!!!)

Sunday school can be CRAZY!!! And we had 4 kids ages 3, 2, and 1 1/2 in class today!! We sat down in front of the flannel board and I told the story. The Easter story about how the world needed a Savior, and Jesus came and died for us on the cross and how they put Him in the tomb, and then the woman came and the angel said "be not afraid" and how that Jesus rose from the grave. I have known this story my whole life.... I know it inside and out. But today, my sweet boy is the one who made it touch my heart in a new way. After the story and coloring, we had a little break to play with the toys, but Ben went back over to the board with the pictures on it. I was there and he started to tell the story with his little sweet voice. He pointed to Jesus, and told me that "Jesus died on the cwoss" and he touched the part where his feet were bleeding. Then he said "and den (then) they put Him in the tune (tomb)" I said yes they did! "and they were sad mama" Then he pointed to the angel and said "and the angel said don't be scared!" (with a huge smile!!!) he pointed to the empty tomb and said "Him's not there!" I said "no He's not Ben, what happened to Him?" and Ben looked at me and said "HE IS WISEN"!!!(Risen)

I have heard that story hundreds of times, from preachers, Sunday School teachers, parents etc....but my FAVORITE is hearing from my little boy!!! He is really learning and paying attention! And even though, it took a lot of time, and work to get everything ready and done for Easter, that little moment between me and Ben was worth it all!!! I am so blessed and am cherishing every moment with these little blessings. Hannah is right behind her brother and I know I will have moments like this with her too. I am so blessed. Praise God !!! HE IS WISEN!!!!

I will Carry You

My SIL (thanks Brooke) let me know about this song. I am in tears hearing it. It really fits where I am right now. I miss my baby, and am having to depend on Christ to carry me through this time, but also I am blessed to have been able to carry my little sprout, even if for 8 1/2 short weeks. I am blessed to be the one who God chose to carry her. I am even more blessed to know that God is with her, loving her and showing her so much more than I could!! In this video, they had their little one longer than we did, but in the end....she went home to be with the Lord. Praise God that He takes ALL of these precious little lives and hold them in HIS hands! Isn't He wonderful. He is a great, merciful, loving God and I am so glad to belong to Him.
So click on this and you can see the video and hear the song! But as my SIL warned me....watch at your own risk and have tissue close! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2CnUtVY35o

Missing all the hugs!!

Never really noticed how much I LOVED all the hugs I got on Sunday's when we were at Beacon. Guess I am going through a bit of "homesick" for Beacon. I love my church in Chico and every single person in it. It is a great church! So don't get me wrong!!Every church is different and there is nothing wrong with that!! I just think everyone has those places that will always feel like "home", and one of mine is Beacon. I just did not realize how much all those hugs helped when I was at Beacon. You would leave with no less than 10 hugs every time you went. It was so great to have that connection. It seems like a teeny tiny thing...a hug, but when it is not there, you sure do miss it. I grew up with it like that at church, so I think that is why I miss it so much. It is what I know. Amazing how much a hug from a friend can do for ya!!! So you who are reading this and are at Beacon, give each other an extra hug for me!! I miss you guys!