To Tell Or Not To Tell. That Was Our Question

Our Ben was Star Of The Week this week in his little Kindergarten class. He has been BEAMING and LOVING it! He talks about being first in line, and getting to dismiss the rows and it is neat to see him feel so special. He was the second to last student to be Star Of the Week, so he has had all year of watching the others get to be the Star and was really ready to be it himself.
Ben is our first one to start school. At the beginning of the school year, Dan and I wondered about how and when and how much to share about his adoption. We felt the teacher needed to know that he was adopted. Just the basics, so that if the topic came up she would know that he was adopted and be able to handle it with the correct information. We decided to let the rest play out on its own. 
Last week the teacher gave me all the information we needed for Star of The Week and she asked if we wanted to share about his adoption. I told her we would leave that up to Ben and see what he was comfortable with.  
What we want is for the children to feel good about their adoption, to have pride in how God made our family, but to not be defined by it. To have a healthy balance. To know they are special and God  loves them, but that there is SO much more to them than just being adopted. 
At home while going through the "tell us about your family" part I asked Ben if he wanted to share about being adopted or not. He looked up at me with big wide eyes and a big smile and said "YEAH!!!!!"  So when it was time to pick out pictures, he picked some from his adoption day. I was happy to see how proud he is of his story, but wondered how it would be explaining it and sharing with his peers. This would be a first. I wondered if there would be questions from the other children, and how Ben would feel about the questions. So far, he has only had supportive, positive things said to him about his adoption. To him, it is just normal. But for his classmate it will be something new and different than what they know. (he is the only student in his class that has been adopted)
When I picked him up from school I was anxious to ask him how sharing went. But was pretty much shot down. You see he is MALE. ALL MALE. So to him there is no need for details or talking in depth about what everyone said and if they had  any questions. (this IS how Hannah will be for sure. I bet she will even tell me what kind of shoes each person was wearing! ) So pretty much all I could get from Ben was that it was AWESOME sharing and that he told everyone he was an Indian. It seemed to have gone well, but I am a female and wanted details :)   So the next day I asked the teacher how it went sharing about his adoption. She said he did great and that he was completely comfortable sharing. She said that when he shared the picture of adoption day standing with the judge, one of the students asked "what that big black thing in the middle was", and she told him it was the robe that judges wear. She said they wanted to know what the Judge did and she explained that she signed a paper that said Ben would be in our family forever. That was the extent of the questions. I am so glad it went so well. I am more glad that my boy was comfortable sharing about his adoption and not afraid to. But I am also glad that it has not been all about his adoption all year. That we let it play out the way Ben was comfortable with. I know as he gets older it may change and he may go back and forth with how much he wants to share if he wants to at all. But for his first time sharing with peers. I am super glad it was positive and great for him. 

On a funny note,  when the teacher read his full name including his middle name which is Sioux,   he said "thats my name because I am an Indian...I can't remember right now what kind of indian I am, but I am an indian". The teacher then said "well I think you might be a Sioux indian, does that sound right?" Ben answered "YEAH THATS IT!!!!!"  LOL.  I am so glad I asked his teacher for the details!!! 

All Of Me

When adopting from the Foster Care system, there are no guarantees. You go through training that makes it VERY clear, it will be a tough road. A road that has more than just bumps in it, it is full of great big boulders. Ones you can see and ones that fall right in front of you without warning. You understand that it is not a sprint, but a marathon. One in which you receive this blessing of a child LONG before you have the assurance that you will be able to keep them and raise them. It is not an easy road. It is a road well worth traveling though, for how ever long you can.
When we brought B home, I got some questions from others about whether I was able to fully accept him or if I was "holding" back just incase we lost him. This would have been the easier way, to protect my heart and go through the motions until everything was for sure. But as we were handed this precious baby...

...it quickly became all about him and no longer about us. We were the adults, and he was a helpless precious life that needed ALL of our love and ALL of our hearts. No matter if we had him one day, one month, one year or 18 years  he was worth giving our whole self to him. How could we hold back from this little one? He deserved nothing less than our best.

And so did she... 

 ...and so did she.

I heard Matt Hammitt's song "All Of Me" and instantly felt that it described just how it was for us. I know that his situation was different, with a seriously ill baby and promising to not let the fear of losing him steal the time they had together.  But it was the same with us. We had these precious, wounded babies, who needed us and we had to choose to look beyond the fear of losing them, and cherish the time we had with them. It was not easy. We came close to having our hearts broken, but the Lord saw fit to keep these little ones with us.  I am so glad we did not hold back. I am so happy we bonded and became their mama and daddy from day one. We loved them with all of ourselves and put the future in God's hands. The long road from having your child placed in your arms to when the papers are sign takes a lot of time. And I am glad we did not miss one moment of it!

 "I wont let sadness steal you from my arms, I won't let pain keep you from my heart".
"I'll trade the fear of all that I could lose, for every moment I'll spend with you".

Homesick

It has been almost 3 weeks since my Mamaw went on to Heaven.  She was married for 63 years to my papaw. They were so in love and dedicated to each other. He was her world and she was his. Since her passing, although I live so far away, with updates from my mom and phone calls and conversations with him, you can tell he is truly heart broken. How could he not be. In one conversation my papaw said to me "He took my second best friend" (his first best friend being Christ).  My papaw got sick and was in the hospital for close to a week and my mother was with him. She shared that he was crying and a nurse came in and asked him if he was ok. He said "just missing my partner".  It breaks my heart to know his heart is so broken and hurting. So many wonderful years together and the pain that must come with being the one left behind. I heard this song and it made me think of my papaw.  I pray the Lord's strength will surround him and give him some relief from his pain. He is truly HOMESICK for Glory.

More to go to heaven for...

Today, I have more to go to heaven for, than I had yesterday. My grandmother is home now with our Lord.
Growing up, and being 3,000 miles away from her did not keep us from being close. My mother made sure we were connected to them. She was my little Mamaw.  Growing up, my favorite thing about Mamaw Martin was talking to her. I would lay down and  put my head on her lap and she would comb my hair while we talked. She was easy for me to talk to. As I got older, it felt like she understood me. And that meant a lot.  She taught me so much. I will always remember her teaching me to crochet.  Her patience and even her laughter at just how many different ways I could mess it up will always be my favorite memories. The afternoons of sitting with her and talking about life and asking about her child hood and how she fell in love with my papaw. And her wisdom from a simpler, and more slow paced life.   Her love for the Lord and her life long dedication to Him. The memories of when she would make hot cocoa for my husband and me and we would sit around the table and just visit, or play a game of Wahoo!
 She got the best Christmas gift this year, Heaven! This is the second grandmother I have lost in the last 8 months. I knew growing up with six grandparents, these days would come. But that does not make it easier. I wish I was able to be there with the family, and celebrate her life with them. Right now California feels SO far away from Arkansas. It hurts to be here and not there with them. I am so thankful for her faith in Jesus as her personal Savior! Because of that I know I will see her again! I am going to miss you mamaw. What an awesome woman you were. And I hope some day I can be a grandmother like you were. My mom wrote this poem and I want to share it.

WHAT A SPECIAL CHRISTMAS GIFT

What a special Christmas gift,

my Mother received this year.

She got to go to heaven

to see her Savior there.

She got to see her Daddy,

her Mother and sister too.

She is holding all the babies

that only Jesus knew.

She had so many blessings

thorough out her entire life,

But the greatest one of all,

was being our Dad’s wife.

She loved him more than life itself

and hated to be apart.

He was her only love,

her joy, her purpose, her heart.

She did not want to leave him

to make it on his own.

But knew that God was with him

and he would not be alone.

Mother we will miss you

as we continue on.

But look forward to our reunion,

at God’s Eternal Throne.

Sharon Coulter

Dec 23, 2011

Wednesday Night Science Bible Lesson- God is Real

With this windy weather, this was the perfect time for this lesson.  I started class by asking the students if anyone "saw" the wind that day? Most of the kids said "yes". Then I asked them what it looked like? They described the leaves falling off the trees and things getting blown around. This is when we talked about how we can see the EVIDENCE of wind, but the wind itself is invisible.  I asked the class if wind was real? They all said yes.  I said "but you can't see it".  They said "but we feel it and see what it does".  Then I asked if God is real! They all said Yes of course. I asked if they had ever seen God.  The answer was "no".  The students said that they could feel Him and see His work all around them. And that proved He was real!  I read John 6:45-47. No man has seen the Father, but that does not mean He is not real!  We have Faith.
Hebrews 11:1-  Now Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
I asked the kids to list off some "evidence" of God.  They went for it.
- salvation- creation- conviction- blessings- protection- the bible
It was great to hear them listing off all the evidence of God.

I blew up a balloon for each student and gave them stickers to decorate them. (hands on stuff is always the best way to learn) Then set up a blow dryer and fan, and had them experiment with putting their balloon in front of the fan and see what happened. They had a great time chasing the balloons all around the room. We again talked about how we can't see the air moving the balloons, but we saw the evidence of the air and that proved it was real. 

Then for the science! First I lit a candle.  I poured some vinegar into a measuring cup. See through glass. Then I put a some baking soda in and it began to bubble up and have a reaction. I covered the top of the cup with my hand, holding in the gas. 

Then, when the bubbling was done I took my hand off the top and did a pouring action onto the candle, but as you can see NONE of the liquid came out of the cup. Yet it still blew out the candle. The kids loved it. It was like magic. You could not SEE the gas, but it was there and it blew out the candle. This one was so simple and easy to do, only a few ingredients and had a big impact. 

Just because we can't see God, does not mean He is not there. He is alive and with us ALL the TIME! Just look at all the evidence!

If You Are Part Of Our Family...

Tonight, our little family started something. Something I am excited about! I saw this idea on pintrest and changed it up just a bit. After reading the 23rd Psalm, (we are trying to memorize the whole thing together as a family), we ended it with prayer. Not just any prayer though. I wrote the names of our family on some popcicle sticks, (the one on pintrest had cut out pics of all the different family members glued to the sticks...but that was a bit much for me to get done). We went around and each of us drew out a stick. Then we took turns praying, and it was so precious to hear my babies praying for their family. I am looking forward to bed time (even more now:) because I can hear my kids say such sweet prayers for our own! I love watching them learn to pray for others. What a blessing the Lord gave me when He sent them to me! So if you are in our family, you will be prayed for, and we love you all!

 Tonight cousin Cody, cousin Cassie, Ruthie and Uncle Steve were prayed for!  Can't wait for tomorrow night!

"My Mom Said"

When I was told I would not be able to have babies without "intervention" my world changed. I was faced with personal decisions. Decisions that made Dan and I have to take time and pray... A LOT! We had to really take our time and make sure we were doing what we felt the Lord was leading our family to do. So as the doctor explained just exactly what "intervention" meant in our case, my heart sank. We knew it was not for our family. It was something that we both felt the same about. And it was heart breaking.

For the most part, we have been supported in this. With understanding...or at least in front of us. :) As I know everyone will have their own thoughts about it. But in the end it was up to Dan and I.

There have been some who have hinted that it is not "natural" for me to not want to "do whatever it takes" to get pregnant. Or that I must not want it, like other woman. One comment that comes to mind was made by a young child, about 3 years after deciding to not use infertility treatments. This child asked me why I did not have any babies. And I said "cause God has not sent me any yet". The child responded "my mom said if you really wanted a baby, you could have one".

It is frustrating to me, how choosing not to go the path of infertility treatments has made it seem like I did not have the same degree of desire for a pregnancy and a baby. When talking with someone, and sharing the wonderful way God used adoption to create our family, I often get questions like this... "so what kind of fertility treatments did you try?" or " have you tried that IVF thing?" and when I answer "no we decided that fertility treatments were not for us" I get the most confused looks. As if I am so STRANGE for not going as far as it takes to get a biological child.

I am so so so so extremely grateful that we made the choice we did. It is why we now have the three children we were meant to have! My children were not "plan B". They are not just what we got cause we tried everything else under the sun first. They are what was PLANNED by God. My Benjamin, my Hannah  and my little Ruthie girl. There are no biological links between us, but they take after me, they learn from me, and I am their mama.

I will always carry some sadness because I was never able to give birth to a child.  I am a woman and God has put that desire in me.  But I would not change a thing, because it brought me my sweet babies! 

I did REALLY REALLY REALLY want a baby! And God gave me THREE! How blessed am I!!!!!