How do you adopt a child? What is the best way, the right way. The broad concept of adoption is almost "story book". You start out, thinking, that it is simply giving a child a home. And it is, but there is NOTHING simple about it. There is this almost "fairy tale" image that adoption has. One that makes it difficult for others to see what it really takes to adopt a child. Dan and I, have been through it twice, and are once again adopting another beautiful blessing! But there is so much that goes into the process. And, as it is with biological parents, we do not receive a hand book that gives us all the answers and resources we will need to adopt. We DO have the Word, and our Lord, to guide us through the long confusing days and obstacles. When we started our adoptions, I had NO idea how to do it. I did not understand the system, the rules, the paperwork. I really had no idea how to ADOPT a child. The only thing I knew how to do, was love a child. And that is the biggest key. Loving a child, to me, is so easy. It was the other stuff I needed some lessons in. Kinda of a "how to" course on adopting. There are countless books, articles, resources out there that TRY to teach it all. I wanted to learn how to show my children how much they were loved, to make the transition a good one, to bond well with them, to teach them that they were and always will be a blessing and they have so much potential. But most of all, I wanted them to feel like they were just as much my child, as if they were biologically mine. As I thought about it, I realized I needed to learn from the BEST...God Himself. See when I was seven years old, God adopted me into His family. I have always felt Him present with me, loving me, accepting me, and teaching me. This was to be my example to follow, as I did my best with adopting my children.
We did not have beautiful adoptions, where the birth mom is this wonderful woman who put her child's needs before hers and unselfishly gives her child a good home. Our babies, were abused, neglected and hurt. Not put first, not cared for as they should have been. The adoptions took years, and there were scary hard times. I found myself talking to God about it all.
I wondered if I would be able to love a baby like I should. Like a mama should. I took my doubts to God. "will I be able to accept and love a child that I don't even know? Do I have what it takes?"
I know His answer, it is in how He is with me. He accepts me just how I am. With all my flaws, my short comings and my failures. He sees my potential and He sees beauty in me!
And I knew, if I had His heart, I would love my child completely. And it happened just like that. The moment I saw all three of them, I was totally in love.
And so I went to Him with all of my concerns...
"God, how do I do this? I love this child, and yet I have to drop them off to visit with their abusers. How do I survive the 4 hours a week, away from my baby? These visits that stress them, and keep them from feeling settled and secure. It is hard to have to hold them and help them to relax and "recover" from the confusion of the visits. This feels too hard"
Through His spirit and His Word, I could imagine Him saying " I know how you feel. I see my children surrounded by the world and the dangers in it. I know they have free will, and so I wait for them to return to me safe and I help them to "recover" from what they went through. I will ALWAYS be there when they return. I will ALWAYS hold them, and comfort them. There is no giving up, on my children. It is not too hard. Because each of them is worth it. So worth it, I sent my only son to die, so that I could adopt them, bring them into my family, and be with them always."
This is humbling, when I grumble about how hard the adoption process is. My God went through so much more, just so He could adopt a sinner like me. AMAZING LOVE!
I would confide in Him, "Lord, how should I love this child, how can I make sure I am doing what is best for this child you have put in my arms?"
And I know His answer - "just love them, as I have loved you. Unconditionally, completely with acceptance and unwavering support. I have given this to you, now do the same for your children."
When I follow His example, of how He is with me, I know just how to love my children.
And when court would come, and we had to fight to keep our child, I prayed..." Lord, you have given me the heart of a mother, and set this baby in my arms, how am I suppose to handle the heartache of possibly losing him."
And I know His Word has the answer- " you are my child, and I have lost you to the world at times. But I will never change. I will always love you and do whatever I have to, to fight for you, to care for you and give you what you need."
The biggest most important lesson God has taught me about Adoption, is that it is about the child and not about the parent. He is not concerned about how hard it is for HIM or how much He has to do, or sacrifice. He is only concerned with His children, how they are doing, what they need and how much He loves them. Ready to do WHATEVER they need! This is simply the best way for me to approach adopting my children. I want them to see how God intends adoption to be. Full of love, unconditional love, total acceptance, unselfish sacrifice and never ending support! This is my commitment to my children. I have the best teacher, and I want to always follow His example.
Romans 8:14-17
For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God. For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.
