When adopting from the Foster Care system, there are no guarantees. You go through training that makes it VERY clear, it will be a tough road. A road that has more than just bumps in it, it is full of great big boulders. Ones you can see and ones that fall right in front of you without warning. You understand that it is not a sprint, but a marathon. One in which you receive this blessing of a child LONG before you have the assurance that you will be able to keep them and raise them. It is not an easy road. It is a road well worth traveling though, for how ever long you can.
When we brought B home, I got some questions from others about whether I was able to fully accept him or if I was "holding" back just incase we lost him. This would have been the easier way, to protect my heart and go through the motions until everything was for sure. But as we were handed this precious baby...
...it quickly became all about him and no longer about us. We were the adults, and he was a helpless precious life that needed ALL of our love and ALL of our hearts. No matter if we had him one day, one month, one year or 18 years he was worth giving our whole self to him. How could we hold back from this little one? He deserved nothing less than our best.
And so did she...
...and so did she.
I heard Matt Hammitt's song "All Of Me" and instantly felt that it described just how it was for us. I know that his situation was different, with a seriously ill baby and promising to not let the fear of losing him steal the time they had together. But it was the same with us. We had these precious, wounded babies, who needed us and we had to choose to look beyond the fear of losing them, and cherish the time we had with them. It was not easy. We came close to having our hearts broken, but the Lord saw fit to keep these little ones with us. I am so glad we did not hold back. I am so happy we bonded and became their mama and daddy from day one. We loved them with all of ourselves and put the future in God's hands. The long road from having your child placed in your arms to when the papers are sign takes a lot of time. And I am glad we did not miss one moment of it!
"I wont let sadness steal you from my arms, I won't let pain keep you from my heart". "I'll trade the fear of all that I could lose, for every moment I'll spend with you".
It has been almost 3 weeks since my Mamaw went on to Heaven. She was married for 63 years to my papaw. They were so in love and dedicated to each other. He was her world and she was his. Since her passing, although I live so far away, with updates from my mom and phone calls and conversations with him, you can tell he is truly heart broken. How could he not be. In one conversation my papaw said to me "He took my second best friend" (his first best friend being Christ). My papaw got sick and was in the hospital for close to a week and my mother was with him. She shared that he was crying and a nurse came in and asked him if he was ok. He said "just missing my partner". It breaks my heart to know his heart is so broken and hurting. So many wonderful years together and the pain that must come with being the one left behind. I heard this song and it made me think of my papaw. I pray the Lord's strength will surround him and give him some relief from his pain. He is truly HOMESICK for Glory.
