Cook and Freeze Day

A couple people have asked about my cook and freeze day. So thought I would share here. I don't know a whole lot about cooking...in fact every time (and I mean EVERY TIME) I try to cook something, part of it comes out wrong, burnt, under-cooked, or on the floor. Just want to be up front with my area of talent in this field....very minimal. And I am fine with that, not everyone is a great cook. BUT I am a home maker and the ones who live here like to eat, so I have to try to do my best.

My WHOLE thinking is "how can I make this easier on myself". Dan and I have changed our eating, to reduce my High Blood pressure and lower our cholesterol. Part of that is cooking fresh foods and not eating out or fried foods. This can be hard to find the time to cook an hour each day to get the meals ready...especially if I mess them up and have to do it all over again (that is just reality in this home). So I have started cooking it all in one day and freezing it for the week.

This week I made some, what I call, Hawaiian spring rolls. I am not sure what to call them, it is something I kinda came up with myself...if you can believe it!! I made this dish and it is great by itself, and I just decided to try it as a wrap and it turned out great. I steam broccoli and carrots, make brown rice, and pineapple. Mix it all together and add soy sauce to taste. I freeze this up in bowls for Dan to take for lunches. Then this week I bought those wraps you would use to make an egg roll with and just put the rice mixture inside. Cooked them in a pan, just using spray instead of oil. They were soooo good that they were gone and none left to freeze by the next day. These would be good dipped in terryaki sauce too!!

I also make toastada's. I broil corn tortillas on each side until toasty brown. Then chop up all tomatoes, lettuce, green onion, and avocado. Put them in their own containers, put a can of vegetarian refried beans in a bowl and flavor with taco seasoning. Put it all in the fridge and the tortillas in a baggy and we can have toastada's real fast with no cooking!!

We also use brown rice seasoned with taco seasoning for our tacos, instead of meat. So I flavor my rice with the taco seasoning and freeze bags of it for tacos. Sounds weird, tacos without meat, but it is not that bad. And you can always cook up your seasoned meat and freeze that!

I cook up A LOT of pancakes at once and freeze, so that in the mornings the kids can have them, but I don't have to cook them. Just zap them in the microwave (this is cheaper than buying the frozen waffles).

I also make a double recipe of our Raisin Oatmeal cookies. I LOVE these because, before 11 Am they are "breakfast bars" and after 11 Am they are "cookies!!" So I can make breakfast bars and cookies all at once ;) I use wheat pastry flour, instead of the white flour, and applesauce instead of oil. They are so good and great for you too!!!

I also bake a bunch of chicken. My kids LOVE chicken nuggets, but I don't like that they are deep fried. But I love how easy it is to buy the frozen fried chicken nuggets and just zap them. This week I baked a BUNCH of chicken and cut them into nugget size and froze them up. So I can have the easy fast meal, but the healthier baked chicken for the kiddos.

I cut corn tortillas in fourths and bake them, for chips and salsa. They taste great and don't have all the oils that other chips do.

So there you go. Nothing special, just what seems to be working for me.

It's getting real

Not everyone knows this, but the very same month we decided to start trying to have a baby, we also signed up with the adoption agency. I remember sitting on my parents couch, before we were married and talking about children and what we each wanted. And it was clear that both of us wanted to adopt. It was there before we got married. And three years after getting married, we signed up with the agency, since it can take years to adopt and thought we would take whatever the Lord brought to us first, either by birth or by adoption. A little over a year later we were told not to ever expect biological children. Seemed the choice was made for us. And LOOONNNNNGGGG story short we have two of the best kids ever created, through adoption. There is so much preparation that goes into adopting. And planning on what to tell the children and when and what is best for them, and how can we make them feel okay about being adopted etc etc.
It has not been so bad while the kids are little. But now things are changing and getting more real. And I am finding myself struggling with some things. I still feel VERY strong about how we have chosen to share with the kids, I think honesty in an age appropriate way is the best. The best for THEM. Now on the other hand the best for ME would to just never tell them and just pretend they were born into our family!!! Tabitha just sent us Hannah's finished "Adoption Story" book. I wrote each of them a children's book style story of how they came to us, and Tabitha illustrated!!! (she did such a wonderful job!!! Thanks again!!!) So we were sitting down reading books the other day and we read Hannah's story. And the page came that talked about her birth parents. And she pointed to the picture and asked "who that mama" I told her their names and she repeated them. It was so hard to hear her say their names. I mean I really have to work on how I feel about these people. They are so not my favorite people!! But I have to remember what is best for her, and I want things to be normal for her and starting out this young will help that. There will not be a day when she all the sudden finds out about her birth parents. But as the mommy, it was hard to see her interest in them. I know all the logical reasons that it is okay and, that she knows I am her mama, but that does not make it easier.

The other night at church in class, one of the other children asked some questions about the kids being adopted. "Is she your daughter?" "but she did not grow in your tummy", "where did they come from".... all of these are NORMAL questions for children to ask when they are curious. And I answered them like normal, but that is when I realized that my little Ben was listening and computing some of it. And I got nervous. I got scared that he might think there is something different about him, just because he is adopted. I know he will face this and so will Hannah, especially when school comes around, but it just really started feeling real. Like when the next child asks if Ben or Hannah are my real son or daughter...I am afraid they might wonder if they really aren't, or will they think something is wrong with them since they did not grow in my tummy. In class, before another question could be asked, I piped in with "you know I am adopted right?". I got some weird looks from the class and that is when I talked about the fact that when I was saved I was adopted into the family of God. The subject went into salvation from there and things went smooth.
It has just started to really hit home and feel more real, as they get older and notice more and understand more. And I am nervous about finding that right balance of information and the right way to share it, so they feel loved and okay.
Normal adoptive mother feelings, but still ones I could use some prayers for. They are growing up, and things seem to change so fast!

Beauty For Ashes

Thanks to my wonderful husband, I was able to get away this last weekend. It has been hard to deal with, and work through things, with the kids and house and all. So, when my grandma suggested I get away on my own, it sounded like a great idea. Time to just be with the Lord. To be able to cry and not make little Ben worried, and time to not have to think about what needed to be done, or what I needed to make for dinner. Just time to re-focus. I knew that I needed it, but did not realize just how much! I chose to go to one of God's most majestic creations...the ocean. You can't go see the ocean without KNOWING that God is in control!!

It started on the drive over. It was nice to drive and NOT listen to "Where Is Thumbkin" !!! Peaceful and quiet enough to think. I drove through Weaverville and just on the other side of town I saw the mountains. They still showed the evidence of the wildfire that went through a couple of years ago. The tall trees were now thinned out and they were black. My first reaction was "how terrible". The mountains use to be so green and full of nature!! Then I noticed the houses, and began to think about those people living there. I began to wonder what they thought. And that is when I noticed the beautiful green underbrush that was growing back. And to those people living there, I bet they are excited and happy to see new growth and green coming back. I guess it depends on how you look at it. If you only look at the burnt trees standing there, it can be a hopeless feeling, but if you look at the whole picture and see the ground below that is "coming back" what a beautiful sight it is. Headed over to the ocean, all I could see was my burnt trees, and how beautiful it "could have been". But a verse came to mind. Isaiah 61: 1-3 came to mind. Verse 3 says- To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified. It fit so perfect for my trip. This was my time for mourning. But the wonderful feeling that the Lord could and would give me beauty for my ashes, was such a great feeling!
The next day I spent the morning at the beach. Sitting there, with the scripture, and the sounds of the ocean. It was perfect! It was a time where I could be still and quiet and hear his "still small voice". It is amazing how much it helps to have the time to mourn and to re gain perspective. The last three years of my life have been non stop. Big huge important things have happened and there seemed almost no time to recover, before the next thing would happen. We got Ben, then 2 months later almost lost him and had to fight for months in court. Then 4 months later we got Hannah and almost lost her to illness two weeks later. Then had to help her through traumatic visits with the birth family, then waiting waiting waiting for it to be final, praying nothing would go wrong. Then just a few weeks before it was final, my papaw passed away. Then the adoptions were FINAL!!! and time to relax. 8 months later we got pregnant and my dream came true!! We had a wonderful Christmas and then lost the baby. I thought about all of that and all the little details that were involved and I knew that I got through all of that ONLY with HIS strength. I knew He was carrying me, through all of this!! And He will continue to do so through whatever else life throws my way. The trip seemed to get me back on my feet. I may be walking slow and careful, but He is right there with me. Ecclesiastes 3 says to everything there is a season. A time to mourn and a time to dance. A time to weep and a time to laugh. And as odd as it sounds, my time for mourning was good. Good for me to work through it and move on to the future. The over whelming feeling about the baby, is now wonder and thankfulness for that life. Not overwhelming sadness for the loss of it. And that makes my out look so much better!! I hiked up to Wedding Rock at Patrick's Point. The view is breathtaking. Just as I made it to the top the sun came out from the clouds and stayed out, warming me up, until I started back down. It was like He reached down and gave me hug! I believe He used His creation to speak to my spirit! And I am grateful for it. AND, when it was Sunday morning and I headed to church in Eureka, the sermon used the same verses I had been reading on the beach!!! It is wonderful to see the Spirit work!
So I guess this last weekend, my Lord restored my soul!! Isn't it wonderful to be a child of God. He has given me beauty for ashes!! There are some burned trees, but there is green growing back, and that feels good!

Same ole same ole

YES!! I know all I write a lot about what Ben says!!! But he just won't stop talking!!!! I think I am going to have to really work with him. He has said some things that a man should NEVER say about a lady :) Last week on his birthday my mom and dad called. When my mom asked him how old he was he said "tree" and she said "you are so big!" then my son said "no I not big mama's big"!!!! Now I know that he meant bigger than him, but big and a woman's name should NEVER be in a sentence!! Gonna work on that one. THEN yesterday on my birthday, when I am not really feeling "YOUNG" (not really OLD, but not young) I was walking down the hall and he screams and runs and says "AHHHH here comes the DINOSAUR!!!" I mean REALLY? Dinosaur? on my BIRTHDAY!!!! Talk about making me feel a little older than I thought I was :)
He is so much fun, and he just does not stop talking!!! I can't imagine when Hannah starts it up too!!! WOW!! Talk about entertainment!!!

Does this seem wrong to anyone else??

It has been a little over three months since I had my D&C. What has been eating me up is the money. Yes the money! I just get more mad the more I think about it. We are of course now starting to pay off the bill....about $3,500 for the D&C....that does NOT include all the doctor apointments before hand or after. But that is how life is and I am not surprised, I am okay with it. What I have had such a hard time with is that in California the average cost for an abortion (a D&C only with a live baby) is.......wait for it........$395.00!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, if I had made the choice to end my baby's life and had an abortion, my bill would only be $395!!!!!!! So in California, murder is cheap! I can't say it any other way!!! They are stopping a beating heart. But since I lost mine to miscarriage....$3,500.00!!!!! Does this seem wrong to anyone else!!! Guess this is my soap box, but I don't think there is a better soap box to be on!!! What happened to the sanctity of LIFE?

Oh be Careful little mouth what you say...

My kids are in what I like to call "the tape recorder" stage. They seem to be recording whatever I say and then repeating it at very unexpected times!! To tell you the truth, it has done me A LOT of good. Made me realize my tone, and my words. Making sure I try to keep my speech nice and up lifting...although, daily I fail. There have been a few times that both Dan and I feel bad that the kids are repeating US and that we can't blame it on anyone else!!! The other day Ben started saying "SHUT UP!" ....well that is me!!! I never say it in a mean way to the kids, like when I want them to be quiet. I say "shut up" like in the Princess Diaries....when her grandmother tells her that she is a real princess and she says "SHUT UP!!" well that is how I use that word, but my kids don't know that. They just started saying shut up! So that is one thing I have taken out of my vocabulary. Well this morning Ben let me know another thing I say a lot. I was in the living room and a song came on the TV...you know the "hot diggidy dog" song at the end of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, well I started to dance (I ONLY dance in front of my kids and NO ONE ELSE!!) Ben looked up at me with embarrassment on his face and said, (with polite words) "mommy please stop it" I said "no way I'm having fun!!" to which he replied, "please stop, I'm trying to work here!!!" I heard myself right then!!! It was so funny to hear from him. And I am glad it was not something too bad. I say that to the kids when I am trying to get something done and they keep needing things. What a reality check!! Just goes to remind me that if they can learn the wrong things I say so easy, then they can learn good ones too!!! Like the other day the 4 of us were in the car. Hannah was crying a little and Ben said "what's wrong baby girl??? you okay? what you need?" it was nice to hear him repeat some of our "nice" words. Life has become so entertaining since my kids started talking LOL!!!!!! You NEVER know what they might say next!!

Ben's birthday.....mixed feelings

Well my boy is three years old today!! It is so great to have him in my life. I am so blessed to be able to say I am his mama!! He is a great, sweet kid and I love watching him grow! But, there is a hard part for me, on each of my kids birthday's, because I was not there. I can't go back and remember the day my babies were born. I can't say what they looked like, felt like, sounded like. I guess this is just a normal part of adoption. There is so much more good than bad, and every thing is worth those precious babies. But I still hurt, from missing the birth of my children. It is also hard to think about his first day. When he was born, he was alone. Well he had his nurses, but there was not family there to hug him and tell him how cute he was and kiss him and touch him. I was not there to comfort him. He was just in that hospital nursery...when all the other babies were being taken to their mama's...he was just there....wish I could have been there and held him. I am so thankful that the Lord was there, making sure he was okay until we could get to him. I know that he is fine and doing great today, and praise God for that. But the mama part of me wishes I could have been there on that wonderful day that he was born. I think the more birthday's that go by the easier it will be. I am so glad that God chose me to be his mom. I am so blessed. I sure love my boy! Three years old today!! It is going by too fast.

"Him's Not There"

Today was a wonderful Easter! The kids looked so cute and church was great with lots of friends and family! The food was good and it was neat to watch the kids search for the eggs and get too much candy! But my most favorite part of today was a few sweet moments the Lord let me share with my son! (sometimes people say how blessed those kids are that we adopted them, but they are all soooo wrong. WE are the blessed ones to get to have them!!!)

Sunday school can be CRAZY!!! And we had 4 kids ages 3, 2, and 1 1/2 in class today!! We sat down in front of the flannel board and I told the story. The Easter story about how the world needed a Savior, and Jesus came and died for us on the cross and how they put Him in the tomb, and then the woman came and the angel said "be not afraid" and how that Jesus rose from the grave. I have known this story my whole life.... I know it inside and out. But today, my sweet boy is the one who made it touch my heart in a new way. After the story and coloring, we had a little break to play with the toys, but Ben went back over to the board with the pictures on it. I was there and he started to tell the story with his little sweet voice. He pointed to Jesus, and told me that "Jesus died on the cwoss" and he touched the part where his feet were bleeding. Then he said "and den (then) they put Him in the tune (tomb)" I said yes they did! "and they were sad mama" Then he pointed to the angel and said "and the angel said don't be scared!" (with a huge smile!!!) he pointed to the empty tomb and said "Him's not there!" I said "no He's not Ben, what happened to Him?" and Ben looked at me and said "HE IS WISEN"!!!(Risen)

I have heard that story hundreds of times, from preachers, Sunday School teachers, parents etc....but my FAVORITE is hearing from my little boy!!! He is really learning and paying attention! And even though, it took a lot of time, and work to get everything ready and done for Easter, that little moment between me and Ben was worth it all!!! I am so blessed and am cherishing every moment with these little blessings. Hannah is right behind her brother and I know I will have moments like this with her too. I am so blessed. Praise God !!! HE IS WISEN!!!!

I will Carry You

My SIL (thanks Brooke) let me know about this song. I am in tears hearing it. It really fits where I am right now. I miss my baby, and am having to depend on Christ to carry me through this time, but also I am blessed to have been able to carry my little sprout, even if for 8 1/2 short weeks. I am blessed to be the one who God chose to carry her. I am even more blessed to know that God is with her, loving her and showing her so much more than I could!! In this video, they had their little one longer than we did, but in the end....she went home to be with the Lord. Praise God that He takes ALL of these precious little lives and hold them in HIS hands! Isn't He wonderful. He is a great, merciful, loving God and I am so glad to belong to Him.
So click on this and you can see the video and hear the song! But as my SIL warned me....watch at your own risk and have tissue close! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2CnUtVY35o

Missing all the hugs!!

Never really noticed how much I LOVED all the hugs I got on Sunday's when we were at Beacon. Guess I am going through a bit of "homesick" for Beacon. I love my church in Chico and every single person in it. It is a great church! So don't get me wrong!!Every church is different and there is nothing wrong with that!! I just think everyone has those places that will always feel like "home", and one of mine is Beacon. I just did not realize how much all those hugs helped when I was at Beacon. You would leave with no less than 10 hugs every time you went. It was so great to have that connection. It seems like a teeny tiny thing...a hug, but when it is not there, you sure do miss it. I grew up with it like that at church, so I think that is why I miss it so much. It is what I know. Amazing how much a hug from a friend can do for ya!!! So you who are reading this and are at Beacon, give each other an extra hug for me!! I miss you guys!