The System...

We are currently in the middle of our third adoption through the Foster Care System. For me, I have my ups and downs. Right now, I am in one of the "frustrated and confused with the system" stages. So this post is coming right in the middle of it. I can't wait till it is all done and final and I can start to forget how it feels "right now".

There are NO regrets! No way! We are so blessed and would do EVERYTHING over again! Our children have blessed our lives so much!

I felt the need to write/vent about the absurdity of the system we have! Dan and I are going through our home study with the state. I think all the stuff they have us do is completely understandable! They are responsible things to have us do, to make sure that the home they are placing a child in, is safe and appropriate!!! My problem comes with how LOPSIDED it is! Here is a list of hoops we have jumped in the past and are currently jumping for the second time.

-fingerprint background checks

-health checks (to make sure we are physically fit to raise a child)

-health checks for B and H

-house inspections

-Proof of employment and income

-12+ hours of adoption training (this is on top of the 12 + hours for the foster care training)

-10 + hours of couple and individual interviews

-countless weekly, monthly, and quarterly visits from several different social workers.

-proof of car, and home insurance

-dmv record

I had an individual interview this last week and it was just so...BACKWARDS! Like I said I AGREE with the things they are having us do! But really, sitting there for two and a half hours answering questions like "how do you deal with negative feelings, and how do you and Dan resolve conflict in your marriage, how do you deal with the annoying things that children do, what kind of support system do you have to deal with crisis?", and on and on and on!!!!" This all makes sense that they would ask these questions! I mean this is a little life! It needs protection and to be treated as a important priority! My problem comes from the fact that this is required of Dan and I, (you know the ones with NO record of child abuse, or neglect, or drug abuse ) but NOT required of these birth parents who keep having 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 babies born on drugs and put into the system! Where are their house inspections, proof of employment, HOURS of interviews, criminal background checks, health checks and training? From my experience, it seems that they have to go to some parenting classes, and rehab (after they abuse a baby). Some lose their children, some get them back. But ALL can just keep on having more babies, abusing them with drugs and alcohol and neglect. These babies are not important enough for all these hoops, UNTIL AFTER they are abused by a PROVEN abuser!

I just don't understand, how I have three beautiful babies here, who are numbers 4, 6 and 7 for their birth-mom's and NONE of these woman have any of their children! BUT hey, they are still allowed to keep on having them! (may sound a bit harsh, but when you are talking about precious babies, how can you sugar coat it?)

I bet, if they were required to jump through the hoops that Dan and I have had to, they would only have one MABYE two children! If for EVERY child they were required to have a home study done (as we are)... then I think there would be SO many less abused and neglected children!

I say, balance this out a bit! Right now, it is feeling a bit lopsided! And I know, there are no easy quick fixes to this supremely flawed system. Just seems that it would be obvious to require the same things on BOTH sides! If the children are important enough on one hand, then they should be on the other. Just does not make sense to me.

Adopting and the first Birthday

I live in a house FULL of blessings! I mean BUSTING at the seams with God's mercy, grace and goodness!! Three of my FAVORITE blessings are the little people who fill up my days with joy, giggles, work, and sometimes tears! My Ben, my Hannah and my Ruthie!

Ben and Hannah each came home BEFORE they had their first birthdays. It is kinda hard for me as their mama, to not be able to "remember" when they were born. The story, how long the labor was, what kind of day it was etc. With Ruthie's birthday coming up here REALLY soon, I am finding that this one is so different! There is not "boy look how much she has changed since her last birthday"!, or remembering where she was and what she was doing "last birthday". She may be turning 2, but it "feels" like her first birthday. Not sure that even makes sense.

It is an odd feeling to want to do the normal "looking back" and not be able to! I know that this will be the only birthday that will be like this for me. Next birthday, I will be able to look back on this one! Most of all, I am feeling the sadness that I was not there on her first birthday. I missed it. She came to us after that. God has a plan and I trust that He sent her to us at just the right time, I just wish I could go back and remember her first year. I have so many years with her ahead of me and I am so excited and ready for that. But this week, I am missing the time I did not have with her. My baby, my little blue eyed bundle of strength! She amazes me with her will and determination. I am so proud of her, and so blessed that God chose me to be her mama.

So this will be the last birthday with Ruthie, where I can NOT look at pictures from last birthday and "reminisce" . Next year, I will be able to take out the "hundreds" of pictures I plan to take of my youngest at her party, and "look back" on the great year we had!

The little things you take for granted when you get to have your baby with you the first year of their life.

Why is Nana Sick?

My children are blessed to have 4 wonderful grandparents and FIVE...yes, FIVE Great Grandparents. Growing up, I LOVED having so many grandparents and now I LOVE seeing my kids build relationships with them.

We have had a hard time lately, learning that Nana (my grandmother) has cancer and is sick. The kids really did not know about it, but after visiting Nana in the hospital this last sunday, my Hannah has had Nana on her mind.

Kinda weird, to think that my kids GREAT grandma (Nana) is only two years older than their Grandma and Grandpa on my husbands side. Guess my side of the family all had their babies really young ;)

Anyway, after our visit to see Nana, Hannah has been asking some questions. In the van today she asked me some and I thought it was the sweetest little conversation!

H- "mama, why is Nana sick"

Me- "cause she has a bad germ in her lungs"

H-"what kind of bad germ?"

Me-"well the name of it is cancer"

H- "and the doctors are taking good care of her at my hospital? (Nana is in the hospital where Hannah was born, and she knows it as "her hospital")

Me- "yes they are working very hard to make Nana feel better"

H- " is Nana gonna be sick a yong time?"

Me- (feeling a little teary) " well it looks like she will be sick for awhile"

H- "maybe if Nana sneezes WHEALLY WHEALLY hard she can make the germ get out of her lungs"

Me-"that is a good idea, but I don't think it would work. It is a pretty mean germ"

H-"DOD can tell that mean germ to GET OUT!!!"

Me- "that is right baby! He sure can"

H- "I love my Nana."

Me- "I do too"

H-(after a long pause) "mama?"

Me- "yes?"

H-"what do yizards (lizards) eat?"

I was thankful for the change of subject. It was bitter sweet talking to my little girl about her Nana. I love her faith and her concern. I love that she KNOWS God can help her Nana. I love her tender heart, and curious mind, trying to figure out how to make her Nana better. I wish life were that simple. I wish my sweet Grandma was not sick, or hurting. For now, I will cherish everyday. Try and learn from my children and have faith and love, and realize that "Dod" is in control and can do anything.

Summer treats, little hands, and Hair!

This is just a post of a few things I have tried this summer. Some things that I have modified, or found that have worked for me.

I really liked the idea of the automatic soap dispensers. I have three little guys who have a hard time getting the soap pumped out of the pump kind. Especially since Ruthie potty trained, she just can't do it. I priced one at Bed Bath and Beyond at $20. But that was too much for me. So when I found the Lysol one at Walmart for $6 I went for it. The catch is that you have to buy "their" bottles of soap that are $2.60. The small bottles go fast with a family of five. SOOOOO I bought two bottles. When the first one ran out, I took it out, pried the top off and added my OWN cheaper liquid soap I bought in bulk! So I save and the dispenser was only $6! I am sure I could put sanitizer in the bottles too! This has made it so easy for the kids to wash their little hands after using the potty! I am happy with it!

I saw on a ad on TV about making the TRIX yogurt into frozen yogurt pops and wanted to give it a try. Thought the kids would enjoy it. Tried it, and it would work for older kids, but seemed a bit much for my little guys. SOOOO I just took our regular yogurt we normally eat and filled up our popsicle molds!

I cover it with foil and put in the popsicle sticks!

Into the freezer they went! They turned out great and are now a favorite! And I love that it is frozen yogurt!

Another favorite the kids love is Frozen Bananas. I break the banana in half, put in a popsicle stick, wrap it up and freeze! The kids call it "Banana Ice Cream" but mom knows it is just good wholesome healthy fruit!

On to HAIR!! I am having fun trying out new hair do's on Hannah's hair. We still have a little bit more time before Ruthie has enough hair to really work with. Hannah has started to want to have her hair down, but "not in my eyes mama". So when I saw these headbands a while back online I wanted to give it a try! So I got what I needed and surprised myself with some useable headbands in the end! They are made out of satin, and I like how delicate and fancy they look. Hannah picked the colors and she is wearing them all the time! Ruthie is too! So here are some pics!

YELLOW

WHITE

PURPLE

Hannah's Favorite PINK!

We are having a great summer and loving every moment of it together!

Four In Four...boy how things have changed!

This time of year has me thinking. I know this will fade as the years go by, but for now, it is still with me. If our little sprout had stayed with us, we would be throwing a first birthday party. I don't really feel *sad* about it. I miss what could have been, but this is how life is and God is in control. And His plan is always better than mine. The last few days as I have been thinking about the little one that is not here, it has caused me to think back . To take stock, and take in just what we have been through.

So many months of trying to have a baby! We had to wait...and wait...and wait...and wait... on the Lord. At the time, it was hard and difficult, but looking back, we are stronger better parents because of that time together, building our marriage. 8 years of Dan and I. (and our many dogs and pets) And then, it seemed that when the Lord decided to make us parents, He through us in the deep end!!!! It has been awesome...but crazy! In June of 2006 our first child. A baby boy. I remember thinking, "this is probably the only baby we will get". We were brand new parents...still learning when in Jan of 2007 our baby girl came to us! We were in shock for the first 4 months of her life I think! We just could not believe how great the Lord had blessed us! It was a rocky road...hard, and long, but at the end of each day we had TWO babies after waiting so long!!!! Then in November of 2008 (only 8 months after the adoptions on B and H were finalized) God let me get pregnant with our little Sprout! WHAT? It was awesome and scary and unbelieveable! We only had a couple short months with this third sweet child of ours, but they were great! Can't wait to meet my baby one day. THEN, in 2009, for Christmas, God sent us our little Ruthie! We were not expecting another huge blessing, but it right there for us! If you have noticed the years? Four babies, in four years!

Ben-2006

Hannah-2007

Sprout-2008

and Ruthie-2009.

(this makes me a bit nervous about finishing out 2010...I have a pretty full plate ;)

What a whirl wind. We went so many years with no babies and then WHAM! The deep end! I love it. I love how God has worked and I love how He has been the one building our family! I am wondering just how we will handle it when things settle down. Not sure we will know how to handle "normal" ;) 4 in 4 CRAZY!

Feeling like a Square Peg in a Round Hole

Dear Diaper Basket

Dear Diaper Basket,

We have been good friends for a long time. A LONG LONG LONG TIME!!! We had that short little 6 months where we had a break from each other...but now, you are ON YOUR WAY OUT!

Don't get me wrong, I have LOVED what you mean! You mean there is a little baby rolling, crawling, or toddling around my house. And that is pretty awesome! You have been emptied and filled back up more than I can count!! 4 years you and I have been working together to keep these little people clean and dry and fresh. But I am glad to say, you are about to lose your job! Our little last person, is using the BIG POTTY, and doing awesome! And that means, only diapers when she sleeps. Although, soon it will only be at night, because her diaper has been clean and dry after nap for almost a week now. I am surprised at this! I did not think this little blondy blue eyed girl would train so fast. She is not two until September, but she is proving me wrong! She seems to have this thing down and seems HAPPY to no longer need your assistance. I am proud of her!

And so old friend, for now I will start to move you slowly into the closet where you will live on the top shelf. I am excited to have it a bit easier in everyday life and A LOT easier on my wallet. And I will pray that maybe...maybe....maybe...I will have to take you down for just ONE more little miracle that may come our way. If not, that is okay too. We have had a good run! A good LONG CRAZY run!!!!