I'm a "SUPERSTAR"!!!!!

I may not be an "A" lister actress, or a superstar singer, or a famous reality TV star...BUT in this house I feel like A SUPERSTAR!

Yes, in all the cool ways! I love how my kids think I can "fix anything" or "make anything" or "make everything better". I love the attention with all the hugs and kisses and little voices calling for me! It makes my life so spectacular and I am soaking in every minute of it!!! It is an awesome feeling to mean so much to these three little blessings!

On the FLIP side. Some days it feels like these little ones are like the mini "paparazzi" squad!!!! I can't eat, sleep, get dressed, shower, use the restroom, do my hair, cook, clean or just sit, without THEM!!! All that is missing are little cameras in their hands!!! LOL! It is hard to remember when I would go to the bathroom without the door flying open and a little one's head popping in to "find mama". This house in my own little personal Hollywood! I get NO privacy and they LOVE me to death!

Yes, at times it gets old and a little much to handle, but most of the time, I soak it in. Knowing they are growing fast and soon they will be three high schoolers who don't have that "need" to know where mama is all the time. They will be spreading their wings and leaving the nest at some point. And then it will feel lonely.

So for now, I will gladly be the "A" lister in my house. The one that everyone wants all at the same time!! At this time in my life, I am loving the fact that my family, "just can't get enough of me!" :)

Am I fit to be a parent?

Today we are getting interviewed by state adoptions. We have done this before...but I am still a bit nervous. You feel like you are under a microscope and it is not an "everyday" thing to get interviewed to see if you are suitable to adopt and parent a child. This is just the first step. They will interview us together, then one at a time then interview our children and inspect the house. It is all necessary! I am not opposed to it. What I AM opposed to is that it does NOT go both ways! I mean REALLY! After say 3, 4, 5, 6, 7!!! children that you abuse and lose, you'd THINK they would make THEM go through this process BEFORE being able to produce, abuse and lose MORE INNOCENT children! (can you tell I am a little "fed up" with the system...sorry)

Anyway, today marks the start of the "adoption" part of this process for us. At least on our end. It will take a lot of time and paper work before the we are in front of a judge and signing the papers, but today we take step ONE!

And so yes, the FRANTIC cleaning and planning when to put the kids down for nap has happened and I "think" I am ready ;) With these visits, I am constantly trying to "make up for lost time". Can't wait for when I can be home with my kids with a schedule and be able to keep up with the house and meals! I miss being home with my kids!

Rambling. Better go finish the kitchen and then I think we are ready to see if we are fit to be parents!

LIKE A TON OF BRICKS!

My boy had his birthday last month. And I "knew" he was four years old, but it HIT me yesterday. Hit me like a ton of bricks.

I took him in for his four year check up. Everything was different. When we got to the room, the nurse took him out in the hall (without mama *sniff sniff*) to weigh and measure him. I have always gone and put them on the scale! Then time for the eye test. This was new, and my boy sat up on the table on his own and answered the nurses questions. Only needing mama to help out in the end and keep him on task. Then back to mama's lap (WHERE HE BELONGS) to get his finger pricked for the iron test. He then went back to my little boy Ben who needed his mama to make it all better. The doctor came in and checked him out from head to toe. He is 95% for his height and weight! He barley fit on my lap for the exam. (but mama was so glad he chose my lap when the doctor game him the choice of the table or me!) As I sat there with my boy, I felt tears coming into my eyes. He was OLD. He was not a baby, not even a toddler. He is now, a Full Fledged KID! Then the doctor started talking about kindergarten. Now he will not start until he is 5, but as far as the shots he needs, she said he could get some done that day if we wanted. We decided two shots that day and then that will only leave two more for him before he starts school. GULP...STARTS SCHOOL! WHAT!!!????? NO WAY!

In my mind Ben is this...

My happy, sweet BABY

I miss those BIG CHEEKS

Those cute hats!

I miss THIS!

And now we are talking about school, and riding bikes. He has grown into a handsome young boy, who has my heart. He is a smart kid, who makes me laugh, and teaches me patience everyday. His tender heart amazes me and I am proud of who he is!

But it scares me to death! I know how to be a mama to babies, and toddlers. I am NOT READY for this "Big Kid".

I want my baby boy back. The one who says he "needs mama".

Cause mama sure needs him!

At the end of the doctors visit, they did a hearing test. He sat up on the table with those "big kid" head phones on and I looked at my boy. (I was sooo excited when he said "mama will you stand beside me?") I still see my chubby little baby, but I know he is growing up, and my heart is aching, I am not ready. But as they say, "READY OR NOT" and I know that I will survive. I love watching Ben grow and am happy to see how happy he is.

But for THIS mama, when I think of my boy, THIS is what I see.