LIKE A TON OF BRICKS!

My boy had his birthday last month. And I "knew" he was four years old, but it HIT me yesterday. Hit me like a ton of bricks.

I took him in for his four year check up. Everything was different. When we got to the room, the nurse took him out in the hall (without mama *sniff sniff*) to weigh and measure him. I have always gone and put them on the scale! Then time for the eye test. This was new, and my boy sat up on the table on his own and answered the nurses questions. Only needing mama to help out in the end and keep him on task. Then back to mama's lap (WHERE HE BELONGS) to get his finger pricked for the iron test. He then went back to my little boy Ben who needed his mama to make it all better. The doctor came in and checked him out from head to toe. He is 95% for his height and weight! He barley fit on my lap for the exam. (but mama was so glad he chose my lap when the doctor game him the choice of the table or me!) As I sat there with my boy, I felt tears coming into my eyes. He was OLD. He was not a baby, not even a toddler. He is now, a Full Fledged KID! Then the doctor started talking about kindergarten. Now he will not start until he is 5, but as far as the shots he needs, she said he could get some done that day if we wanted. We decided two shots that day and then that will only leave two more for him before he starts school. GULP...STARTS SCHOOL! WHAT!!!????? NO WAY!

In my mind Ben is this...

My happy, sweet BABY

I miss those BIG CHEEKS

Those cute hats!

I miss THIS!

And now we are talking about school, and riding bikes. He has grown into a handsome young boy, who has my heart. He is a smart kid, who makes me laugh, and teaches me patience everyday. His tender heart amazes me and I am proud of who he is!

But it scares me to death! I know how to be a mama to babies, and toddlers. I am NOT READY for this "Big Kid".

I want my baby boy back. The one who says he "needs mama".

Cause mama sure needs him!

At the end of the doctors visit, they did a hearing test. He sat up on the table with those "big kid" head phones on and I looked at my boy. (I was sooo excited when he said "mama will you stand beside me?") I still see my chubby little baby, but I know he is growing up, and my heart is aching, I am not ready. But as they say, "READY OR NOT" and I know that I will survive. I love watching Ben grow and am happy to see how happy he is.

But for THIS mama, when I think of my boy, THIS is what I see.