Caught Off Guard

I was caught off guard by my little four year old daughter. I have worked at trying to make sure I have a answer for my kids whenever a question about where they came from comes up. I *thought* I had covered all my basis. I did not expect my little girl to surprise me with a question that left me speechless. Ben and Hannah have been asking LOTS of questions about being adopted. Ruthie's adoption has brought these kinds of questions, and the fact that their Aunt is expecting. We can see that they are trying to figure it out and wanting answers to their questions. The three of us were in the pool swimming while Ruthie was still inside with Dad. Ben said something about growing inside my tummy. Nice and relaxed I said "bud, did you really grow in mommy's tummy?" to which Hannah piped up and said "NO we grew in another woman's tummy". I told her she was right. Ben asked me "who was she?" So I told him that he grew in S's tummy and that H grew in J's tummy, and then after they were born God sent them to live with mommy and daddy. Normally this is where it would end, but with Auntie B expecting a baby, Ben said "but auntie B is going to keep her baby". I said yes she was and that God uses different ways to make families. Some stay with the woman who gives birth to them and some get adopted. Hannah said "I got adopted!" I said yes you did. Hannah asked, "why we not stay with that lady". I told them what we have always said, that they took bad drugs that made them sick and they could not take care of a baby, so God sent them to us. They both were quiet and I was glad for the conversation to be done... as I am always concerned about "saying the right thing". But SO happy they feel like they can ask me all about it. And then my baby asked me something that took my breath away. Hannah said "did J give me bad drugs too?"

This caught me off guard! I did not speak... I had a million things going through my mind, and I hoped that she would get distracted. Just the very thought of my little baby having drugs put through her tiny system over and over causes lots of anger and hurt inside me. But she was determined and focused and asked again, "did J give me bad drugs too?" I knew I had to answer her, and honestly. Dan was not there to ask him to answer for me. I was the one she asked. And so I answered the best I knew how. I told her that while she was in J's tummy some of the drugs got to her, but that God's hand protected her from them, and kept her healthy. She accepted the answer and went on to play in the pool as if nothing happened. But mom's heart was breaking a little.

It is hard to know that I can't change it for them. That they will have to face, at some point, that drugs were more important to their birth parents than they were. I believe that they deserve the truth, at age appropriate times. But this is their story, and my job is not to hide it, or cover it up, but to help them accept it and deal with it and be able to have a wonderful healthy life despite their beginnings.

But it hurts. As their mama, I am ready to fight anyone who treats them wrong in any way shape or form. It hurts to know that someone did. This is just one of those times, where it comes back and it hurts to think of what they went through, and how they were treated. Because they are my babies, and they are so precious to me.

I want to be confident and positive with my answers to them. But like the other day, although the question was answered and she was satisfied with it, I know there will be more questions in the future and in this mama's heart I wish I could protect them from the answers.

Adopting... NOT for the faint of heart!

"Sewing", Play-dough Monsters and Father's Day!

We have been busy here at the Scheer home! Having just finished our third Foster Adoption in 5 years, we are ready to raise our three wonderful children!!! I have LOVED teaching them "pre-school" at home! I really like doing the creative fun things with them and seeing their personalities come out in what they do! Awhile back I saw a great idea online for making a "sewing" box for kids! I loved the idea and went and made one! I got each child their own hoop and bought a roll of shelf liner. Some big buttons and shoe laces and they were having a ball!

It takes some effort to push the shoe lace through the holes of the shelf liner and that is just what our little R needs to help strengthen her hands! The great thing is that she thinks its a game!

I also bought some cheese shakers and pipe cleaners and wooden spools and balls. They loved threading the spools and balls onto the pipe cleaners! Great for those fine motor skills!!!!

I saw another idea online too and thought "hey! I have everything I need to do this one!" so I sat the kids down and told them we would be making "Play dough MONSTERS!" They soaked that up and got all excited! I gave them each some Play dough, wiggly eyes, popsicle sticks and misc beads! Here are their creations!

R named her monster "Jo-Jo" :)

H said her monster's name was "Moopsy"

B said his monster's name was "Astro"!

They had a great time with this activity and it was fun to watch them create!

With Father's day coming up, I wanted to do something cool for Dan. He so ROCKS at being a daddy! So a few weeks ago I bought T shirts and the kids made him shirts! I thought FOR sure they would get messed up or not work. But somehow (I am still not sure how), they turned out GREAT! I used iron on letters and one shirt said "Ruthie's Dad", another said "Hannah's Dad" and another said "Ben's Dad". Then the kids used fabric pens and drew on them! (they turned out so good, we made more shirts to wear to court for R's adoption court date!!!) Well since they were so good I could not WAIT to give them to dad!!! So we gave them to daddy!

This last week I thought I needed to come up with something else for Father's Day. And I found just the idea online!!! And here it is! (forgive the glare)

Yep! It is my kids, spelling out the word "DAD" It turned out SO great! I found the frame at Michael's for $12 and the black and white is my favorite! Now I know it is STILL not Father's day, but I am just NOT use to things I try working out the FIRST time I do them! So AGAIN Dan got his Father's day gift early!!!!! I could not help it! No worries, Dad loves his gifts AND the nice new drill we got him!!! He has been wearing the kids shirts non stop since we gave them to him!

I am LOVING having all my children LEGALLY ours! Such a load off our shoulders!

We are blessed!

RUTHIE'S ADOPTION DAY!

Waiting. Patience. These two words have been our life the last 10 years!

I chuckle when I think about how Dan and I had it all planned out. 3 years married and then start a family. There is a song I sang at church and the title is "When God Has Another Plan". Right now, sitting in my home, with my THREE children sleeping safe and sound and healthy , I am so completely grateful that God had another plan for Dan and I. I am a "barren" woman, and as Psalm 113:9 says, "He has made me a joyful mother of children"!

In just a few more hours we go to court to finalize Ruthie's adoption! 18 months after meeting her, she will finally be legally ours. She will have our name! This long process of "having a child" will be over!

It is making me remember the day we met her. It was a happy day, in the sense that we were being blessed with another child, but it was a hard, sad day too. She was so scared, and little and I can hear her little whimpering cry clear as day still. Her eyes shot around the room constantly checking to see what everyone was doing. It was hard for her, but she let us hold her.

I wanted to take her in my arms and leave. To drive her to our house right then and just hold her and rock her. To protect her wounded heart until she could relax and not be so scared. At 15 months old she had already lived through too much! Her face and body showed it. She was wounded.

This was not like when I brought Ben and Hannah home. They were infants. They were taken straight from the hospital and never lived in an abusive home. Ruthie would take time and patience and lots and lots of love. It has been a tough road. As all foster adoptions are. At first it was simple things we had to work on. Like not pulling her hair, and learning to stop eating on her own. It took a good 6 weeks for her to become confident that there would be a next meal and snacks every single day. She finally stopped eating when she was full, instead of stuffing herself at every meal. She sure enjoyed herself while eating though :)

I learned FAST that one of her FAVORITES was spaghetti!!!

Her new brother and sister were the ones who helped her the most those first few months. Dan and I did all we could to help her, but being with the kids was what she needed. This little one had to learn to "play". To relax and let herself have fun. And Ben and Hannah were just the ones to do that! We watched her go from spectator, sitting in the corner watching them play, to being completley involved in whatever is going on! They are quite a threesome! During the first five months, while visits were still going on, she was in survival mode. Just trying to deal with what the visits did to her emotionally, was a lot for a little one. It was neat to see the older two, especially Benjamin become protective of her and concerned when she would cry and whimper on the way home after a visit. They took on their role of older siblings in a wonderful way and did so much for their little sister!

She is a special little girl and I am so so so blessed to be able to be her mama! It is neat to see her grow and learn. What a journey this has been! As the last part of Psalm 113:9 says...

Praise Ye The Lord!