Where Does My Lady Live?

The other day, Dan told me that the kids had been asking him some "adoption" questions. I have done so much in preparation for these times. Trying to make sure that I have answers that are age appropriate and also let them know the truth. And with three children ages 2, 3, and 4 the questions are going to come! But we will not know just how each child will do with learning about it, until we just go through it.

Our dog had puppies about 4 wks ago and the kids are REALLY into how that all happened. They talk about how Gertie "laid" puppies :) This comes from us having chickens and the chickens laying eggs. They have asked if Gertie is the puppies mommy and all the normal questions. But the other day they asked Dan "who laid me?" Dan said he explained that they did not grow in my tummy, but in another woman's tummy. He told them that the other woman was sick because of taking bad drugs and could not take care of them.

Dan was wearing his T-shirt with a picture of the United States on it, covered in stars and stripes. Ben has always asked where we live on the picture and we point to it. Dan said a little bit after their little conversation, Ben came up and asked "where does my lady live?"

It is neat to hear what they come up with, and how they are thinking about things.

* (on a side note)Personally, I like how Ben put it. To me, (this is just MY opinion) the title of "MOM" is earned. It is not something that is just handed out because you conceive. You earn the title by your action AFTER you conceive. The selfless act of giving your child up for adoption, because you know it is best for your baby, is an act of a mother. Abusing your child until the state takes them away, to me does not merit the "mom" status. We do talk to the kids about their "birth mom" (and will continue to do so) but I like how my son put it. His "lady".*

They are growing and starting to understand. Their story books are working out GREAT and it seems to answer all their questions so far. When they were babies, there were no questions. We were just a family. And now we begin the explanation of "how we became a family".

Just last night Ben was laying on the couch and looked over at me and said "did we live in a different home before we lived here with you and daddy?" I said "yes, for a little while until God said it was time for you to come live with mom and dad." He was fine with that answer. I see them starting to understand. Little R's adoption should be final in the spring or summer of next year. I know this will be a neat time for our family. Going to court, and being able to explain to B and H that we did the same thing for their adoption (they were too little to remember). This will be another time when we expect more questions.

My prayer is that while we go through this time of questioning, that our answers will give them a positive feeling about being adopted and to be grounded and firm in the fact that God himself is the one who put our family together one piece at a time

Hannah's First crush!

Lately Hannah has REALLY and I mean REALLY gotten into all of the "Princess" hype! It has been fun watching her dress up and put on make up and all the girly things I did when I was growing up! And just like me, she has started "dreaming" of her wedding. It is fun to watch Dan see his little girl already talking about her "wedd'n" and "tissing da Bwide". Every show and movie she watches and waits for when the princess marries the prince and kisses his bride. She keeps asking to watch our wedding video OVER and OVER. She defiantly has a "romantic" side. Yesterday, I saw her develop her first crush! We had an appointment for a social worker to come from the county to check on Ruth and see how she was doing. This is normal and the kids are use to it, but this time was the first time it was a "man" social worker. He was filling in for our usual social worker. So I went through the whole normal routine. Telling the kids that "Jeremiah" was going to come and that I needed to be able to talk to him and to have polite manners and not "bring out EVERY toy from your room to show him"... etc. The kids agreed.

Jeremiah arrived and walked in. He was very tall and seemed to be in his twenties. Black hair and really very nice and great with the kids. I saw Hannah change right in front of my eyes! She talked to him and did her "showing off" but she would not stop looking at him! I asked them to play in their rooms while we talked...but she just kept coming in and looking and smiling! It was not a long visit. When he was gone Hannah sat looking out the window and kept saying "I miss Miah" And it was all she talked about for about an hour!!! "Miah is so awesome and handsome" "I weally yike Miah, he's so tool"

I have seen Ben with a crush, and now my little Hannah. I informed daddy about Her reaction to Jeremiah when he got home from work. Daddy called Hannah over and said "what this I hear about Jeremiah???" Her eyes lit up and said "He's so handsome and tool and pretty!" Daddy gave her a bit of a hard time and they giggled.

It is so much fun watching them grow and change. And for now this little crush is cute. But it makes me dread the day when she is a teen and having a "crush" will mean so much more!!!! Please oh please let time slow down!!!

Bath tub floor "grippers", a pair of tweezers and some craft beads!

The kids are doing so great with their "school" and I am having a blast teaching them! I have been going online and looking up some things that different preschools use for teaching. I saw this idea and loved it. It really helps with fine motor skills, hand eye coordination, counting, and math. Just some simple bath tub floor "grippers", a pair of tweezers and some craft beads!

Just turn the bath tub "gripper" over so the suction cups are face up. Have the kids transfer the beads, using the tweezers. Mix it up and have them only do one color, or count as they go, or only transfer a certain amount. So many possibilities, and they love it!!!

Felt and Googly Eyes!

I have been having a BLAST with teaching my kids! They are not old enough

for school yet, but old enough to learn! Ben has been reading for a few months now and amazes me with how fast he picks it up! Sounding out his words and starting to try to read signs around town! He is reading so many words and LOVES reading his Hooked on Phonics Books. He is on number 9 of level one already! The kids have their own way of learning, and he learns his words twice as fast on flash cards than in the book. So that is what we do! Here is his stack of cards, each with a word on it that he can read!

Hannah is reading too, and doing well. She is better at her math and numbers. It is interesting to see how she does better with numbers and Ben is not getting numbers so easy, and how Ben picks up the reading, while Hannah takes a bit longer. She is on book number 3 of level one and to me that is awesome for being 3 1/2!!

Ruthie girl is doing awesome on her colors and shapes and is starting her Letters and sounds! They (AND ME) Love the one on one time each day to learn our lessons!

This week I wanted to try to make my own flannel board and stories and lessons for them. So I jumped in and have been having a blast! The kids keep coming up with things for me to make I love trying my best to make them.

I went to Walmart and bought a moving box for $0.69 and some red felt that was on sale. Cut the board and taped it to stand in a triangle and covered the box! And there it was. A board where two kids could play at once on their own sides!

Here are some of the "requests" for me to make. Ghosts, sun, trees, cars and roads etc.

Here is the counting ice cream!!! Matching the scoop with the right number of sprinkles to the right cone!!! (ran out of tan for the cones so had to use what I had) Great for number recognition!

Got the shapes and patterns lessons in there too!

Need to work on my Noah, but the crowd I am working for is pretty easy to please!

Hannah's FAVORITE! NO MORE MONKEY'S JUMPING ON THE BED. (okay, I know they look like bears, but hey, I do my best!)

And Mama's personal FAV!!!! The Speckled Frogs! Great for counting and math!!!!

This all takes me back to teaching piano and making my own games and game boards to teach a student what they need to learn!!! I am excited about being able to use this tool with the kids for just about anything I can make out of felt! It is certainly not at "crafty" as other could do, but hey, the kids like it and that is all that matters. I know for most, this is pretty menial stuff, but for this stay at home mom, it is our little world right now and I am loving it! Priceless memories!

The System...

We are currently in the middle of our third adoption through the Foster Care System. For me, I have my ups and downs. Right now, I am in one of the "frustrated and confused with the system" stages. So this post is coming right in the middle of it. I can't wait till it is all done and final and I can start to forget how it feels "right now".

There are NO regrets! No way! We are so blessed and would do EVERYTHING over again! Our children have blessed our lives so much!

I felt the need to write/vent about the absurdity of the system we have! Dan and I are going through our home study with the state. I think all the stuff they have us do is completely understandable! They are responsible things to have us do, to make sure that the home they are placing a child in, is safe and appropriate!!! My problem comes with how LOPSIDED it is! Here is a list of hoops we have jumped in the past and are currently jumping for the second time.

-fingerprint background checks

-health checks (to make sure we are physically fit to raise a child)

-health checks for B and H

-house inspections

-Proof of employment and income

-12+ hours of adoption training (this is on top of the 12 + hours for the foster care training)

-10 + hours of couple and individual interviews

-countless weekly, monthly, and quarterly visits from several different social workers.

-proof of car, and home insurance

-dmv record

I had an individual interview this last week and it was just so...BACKWARDS! Like I said I AGREE with the things they are having us do! But really, sitting there for two and a half hours answering questions like "how do you deal with negative feelings, and how do you and Dan resolve conflict in your marriage, how do you deal with the annoying things that children do, what kind of support system do you have to deal with crisis?", and on and on and on!!!!" This all makes sense that they would ask these questions! I mean this is a little life! It needs protection and to be treated as a important priority! My problem comes from the fact that this is required of Dan and I, (you know the ones with NO record of child abuse, or neglect, or drug abuse ) but NOT required of these birth parents who keep having 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 babies born on drugs and put into the system! Where are their house inspections, proof of employment, HOURS of interviews, criminal background checks, health checks and training? From my experience, it seems that they have to go to some parenting classes, and rehab (after they abuse a baby). Some lose their children, some get them back. But ALL can just keep on having more babies, abusing them with drugs and alcohol and neglect. These babies are not important enough for all these hoops, UNTIL AFTER they are abused by a PROVEN abuser!

I just don't understand, how I have three beautiful babies here, who are numbers 4, 6 and 7 for their birth-mom's and NONE of these woman have any of their children! BUT hey, they are still allowed to keep on having them! (may sound a bit harsh, but when you are talking about precious babies, how can you sugar coat it?)

I bet, if they were required to jump through the hoops that Dan and I have had to, they would only have one MABYE two children! If for EVERY child they were required to have a home study done (as we are)... then I think there would be SO many less abused and neglected children!

I say, balance this out a bit! Right now, it is feeling a bit lopsided! And I know, there are no easy quick fixes to this supremely flawed system. Just seems that it would be obvious to require the same things on BOTH sides! If the children are important enough on one hand, then they should be on the other. Just does not make sense to me.

Adopting and the first Birthday

I live in a house FULL of blessings! I mean BUSTING at the seams with God's mercy, grace and goodness!! Three of my FAVORITE blessings are the little people who fill up my days with joy, giggles, work, and sometimes tears! My Ben, my Hannah and my Ruthie!

Ben and Hannah each came home BEFORE they had their first birthdays. It is kinda hard for me as their mama, to not be able to "remember" when they were born. The story, how long the labor was, what kind of day it was etc. With Ruthie's birthday coming up here REALLY soon, I am finding that this one is so different! There is not "boy look how much she has changed since her last birthday"!, or remembering where she was and what she was doing "last birthday". She may be turning 2, but it "feels" like her first birthday. Not sure that even makes sense.

It is an odd feeling to want to do the normal "looking back" and not be able to! I know that this will be the only birthday that will be like this for me. Next birthday, I will be able to look back on this one! Most of all, I am feeling the sadness that I was not there on her first birthday. I missed it. She came to us after that. God has a plan and I trust that He sent her to us at just the right time, I just wish I could go back and remember her first year. I have so many years with her ahead of me and I am so excited and ready for that. But this week, I am missing the time I did not have with her. My baby, my little blue eyed bundle of strength! She amazes me with her will and determination. I am so proud of her, and so blessed that God chose me to be her mama.

So this will be the last birthday with Ruthie, where I can NOT look at pictures from last birthday and "reminisce" . Next year, I will be able to take out the "hundreds" of pictures I plan to take of my youngest at her party, and "look back" on the great year we had!

The little things you take for granted when you get to have your baby with you the first year of their life.

Why is Nana Sick?

My children are blessed to have 4 wonderful grandparents and FIVE...yes, FIVE Great Grandparents. Growing up, I LOVED having so many grandparents and now I LOVE seeing my kids build relationships with them.

We have had a hard time lately, learning that Nana (my grandmother) has cancer and is sick. The kids really did not know about it, but after visiting Nana in the hospital this last sunday, my Hannah has had Nana on her mind.

Kinda weird, to think that my kids GREAT grandma (Nana) is only two years older than their Grandma and Grandpa on my husbands side. Guess my side of the family all had their babies really young ;)

Anyway, after our visit to see Nana, Hannah has been asking some questions. In the van today she asked me some and I thought it was the sweetest little conversation!

H- "mama, why is Nana sick"

Me- "cause she has a bad germ in her lungs"

H-"what kind of bad germ?"

Me-"well the name of it is cancer"

H- "and the doctors are taking good care of her at my hospital? (Nana is in the hospital where Hannah was born, and she knows it as "her hospital")

Me- "yes they are working very hard to make Nana feel better"

H- " is Nana gonna be sick a yong time?"

Me- (feeling a little teary) " well it looks like she will be sick for awhile"

H- "maybe if Nana sneezes WHEALLY WHEALLY hard she can make the germ get out of her lungs"

Me-"that is a good idea, but I don't think it would work. It is a pretty mean germ"

H-"DOD can tell that mean germ to GET OUT!!!"

Me- "that is right baby! He sure can"

H- "I love my Nana."

Me- "I do too"

H-(after a long pause) "mama?"

Me- "yes?"

H-"what do yizards (lizards) eat?"

I was thankful for the change of subject. It was bitter sweet talking to my little girl about her Nana. I love her faith and her concern. I love that she KNOWS God can help her Nana. I love her tender heart, and curious mind, trying to figure out how to make her Nana better. I wish life were that simple. I wish my sweet Grandma was not sick, or hurting. For now, I will cherish everyday. Try and learn from my children and have faith and love, and realize that "Dod" is in control and can do anything.