Beauty For Ashes

Thanks to my wonderful husband, I was able to get away this last weekend. It has been hard to deal with, and work through things, with the kids and house and all. So, when my grandma suggested I get away on my own, it sounded like a great idea. Time to just be with the Lord. To be able to cry and not make little Ben worried, and time to not have to think about what needed to be done, or what I needed to make for dinner. Just time to re-focus. I knew that I needed it, but did not realize just how much! I chose to go to one of God's most majestic creations...the ocean. You can't go see the ocean without KNOWING that God is in control!!

It started on the drive over. It was nice to drive and NOT listen to "Where Is Thumbkin" !!! Peaceful and quiet enough to think. I drove through Weaverville and just on the other side of town I saw the mountains. They still showed the evidence of the wildfire that went through a couple of years ago. The tall trees were now thinned out and they were black. My first reaction was "how terrible". The mountains use to be so green and full of nature!! Then I noticed the houses, and began to think about those people living there. I began to wonder what they thought. And that is when I noticed the beautiful green underbrush that was growing back. And to those people living there, I bet they are excited and happy to see new growth and green coming back. I guess it depends on how you look at it. If you only look at the burnt trees standing there, it can be a hopeless feeling, but if you look at the whole picture and see the ground below that is "coming back" what a beautiful sight it is. Headed over to the ocean, all I could see was my burnt trees, and how beautiful it "could have been". But a verse came to mind. Isaiah 61: 1-3 came to mind. Verse 3 says- To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified. It fit so perfect for my trip. This was my time for mourning. But the wonderful feeling that the Lord could and would give me beauty for my ashes, was such a great feeling!
The next day I spent the morning at the beach. Sitting there, with the scripture, and the sounds of the ocean. It was perfect! It was a time where I could be still and quiet and hear his "still small voice". It is amazing how much it helps to have the time to mourn and to re gain perspective. The last three years of my life have been non stop. Big huge important things have happened and there seemed almost no time to recover, before the next thing would happen. We got Ben, then 2 months later almost lost him and had to fight for months in court. Then 4 months later we got Hannah and almost lost her to illness two weeks later. Then had to help her through traumatic visits with the birth family, then waiting waiting waiting for it to be final, praying nothing would go wrong. Then just a few weeks before it was final, my papaw passed away. Then the adoptions were FINAL!!! and time to relax. 8 months later we got pregnant and my dream came true!! We had a wonderful Christmas and then lost the baby. I thought about all of that and all the little details that were involved and I knew that I got through all of that ONLY with HIS strength. I knew He was carrying me, through all of this!! And He will continue to do so through whatever else life throws my way. The trip seemed to get me back on my feet. I may be walking slow and careful, but He is right there with me. Ecclesiastes 3 says to everything there is a season. A time to mourn and a time to dance. A time to weep and a time to laugh. And as odd as it sounds, my time for mourning was good. Good for me to work through it and move on to the future. The over whelming feeling about the baby, is now wonder and thankfulness for that life. Not overwhelming sadness for the loss of it. And that makes my out look so much better!! I hiked up to Wedding Rock at Patrick's Point. The view is breathtaking. Just as I made it to the top the sun came out from the clouds and stayed out, warming me up, until I started back down. It was like He reached down and gave me hug! I believe He used His creation to speak to my spirit! And I am grateful for it. AND, when it was Sunday morning and I headed to church in Eureka, the sermon used the same verses I had been reading on the beach!!! It is wonderful to see the Spirit work!
So I guess this last weekend, my Lord restored my soul!! Isn't it wonderful to be a child of God. He has given me beauty for ashes!! There are some burned trees, but there is green growing back, and that feels good!