"and I came out of you?"

Today was a first for me. Benjamin, my 3 1/2 yr old asked me about my necklace I was wearing today. It is a gold heart, with two little hands inside. Dan got it for me, when we adopted the kids. I have always told the kids that they were Ben and Hannah's hands and that they have always been in my heart and always will be. He was holding it, as I was putting him down for nap. He said "it's my hand when I was a baby" and I said "yes, those look like baby hands, like you were born in my heart" (this came out of my mouth, before I even knew it. it is something I have heard a lot, but had not decided about whether I wanted to use it or not) He looked at me and said "and then I came out of you?" (did this with hand motions and everything) He took me by surprise. I knew it was big for me and just like any other conversation to him. I brushed it off a little and told him I loved him and to take his nap. But what surprised me was the little twinge of pain. Oh how I would have LOVED to carry that little boy, and give birth to him. It hurt not to be able to just say "yes of course".

Later in the day I was rocking them both and Hannah picked up my necklace and started talking about the "baby hands". Ben brought it up again about "coming out of mama". I swallowed and said to my two babies sitting on my lap, "you came out of another woman and then came to live with mama" . Ben said "oh", and that was it. They accepted it. And it was fine with them. And it is with me too, but the truth is that as an adoptive mom, at least for this one, there is always that little bit of hurt, that you were not the one to birth your child.

I think I am more sensitive to this right now, since one year ago yesterday I was in the doctor's office watching my little sprout's heart beating. That was the day the plans were starting in my mind. The fact that our next family pictures would have a infant in them, that Thanksgiving and Christmas were going to be added to, with the new little life I was watching on the screen. And here I am one year later, with our little one deposited in heaven and my boy asking if he "came out of me".

I pray that I say the right things to them, that they feel confident and secure with my answers and that they ALWAYS feel loved, important and special because of who they are.

SUPER DAD!

Thought I would take some time and "brag" a bit on my husband.

As a daddy, he knocks it out of the park! I am so excited to watch my kids grow up with such a great example of what a real man is! I am gonna share a little bit of his "awesomeness" if that is even a word. He is so involved with the kids and they LOVE their daddy. Just take a look!

I came into the living room one evening and this is what I found. Dad helping the kids play "santa's sleigh" (the play strollers are the reindeer) Daddy can sure play pretend with the best of them!!! How fun is that!!!

They are LOVING it!

Ok so here is one that impressed mom!!! Dad took TP rolls and taped them up on the closet door is such a way, that the kids could put a ball in the top and it would come out the bottom!!! Yeah, dad rules!!!

How cool is this!! Daddy painting sissy's finger and toe nails!!! She loves her dad, and I can see why. He takes the time and does those "girly" things she loves! He is winning her heart!

Our Hannah is FOREVER climbing and swinging on any bars she can find. I mentioned it would be great for her to have her own little bars to swing on. SUPER DAD, says "I think I have some spare bar out back" and after some measuring, cutting, cement.....and

...some welding....

The kids now have custom monkey bars to swing on and climb!! HOW AWESOME IS THAT!

And we can't forget the TENT in the living room!!! Dad set it up for the kiddos and they LOVED playing "camping" for days!!!

The name "daddy" here in our house, means something pretty special! I am so glad they have him, and know that Hannah will grow up watching him, and I pray she will settle for nothing less when it is time to pick the father of her children. And I can see Ben, loving HIS children the same way his daddy is teaching him to! Not all daddy's are this involved with their kids, and I am grateful for the effort he makes. I know most days he would rather come home from work and crash!, but instead spends that time with his kids. THANKS daddy, for all you do! We love you!

Backwards

The other day, the kids and I were at the doctors office. When the visit was ending, the doctor said to "have a good Thanksgiving". I said we would and that we are "very blessed". The doctor then said something, that people have said on other occasions, that just seems a little hard to swallow. She looked at my kids and said "those kids are so lucky". Now I totally get what she was trying to say. And it is a nice thing to say, but it feels backwards! There is an instant feeling in my gut that knows it is the other way around. And although I completely understand the statement and that it is only ever said from a friendly heart, it is just simply not the way it is.

I wonder sometimes, if the kids hear this over and over, how it might make them feel. They understand more and more everyday.

I mean when a couple has a baby, the friends and family all come in to visit. They look at the baby and then to the parents and tell the parents how Lucky, (or I prefer to say blessed) they are to have that little one. You almost never see them walk up and look at the baby and say "how lucky you are".

It is not that it makes me mad in anyway, it just makes me think, "they must not know". Because as I look at my babies there could never be a time where I could say to them, that THEY are the blessed ones. (in regards to having them, we are all blessed to be alive and provided for)

We started the process of adoption, because we wanted to be parents. And the moment that chubby baby boy was carried into meet us, we became parents. And HE was the joy, the blessing, the fulfillment of dreams. It was the same with his sister, 6 months later. We are the blessed ones. We get to tuck them in at night. Hear their prayers to our Savior, watch them learn to share, and write and color and fight. The house is filled with giggles, and crying and blankies and "wockets" and the occasional little voice yelling from the bathroom "it's wipe'n time mom"!!!!

There is just ONE way to see it for me. I am the one who is blessed. I don't ever want them to think, that they should "thank their lucky stars" that they are with us, because that is not how it is. It is the other way around. I think we can ALL say "but for the grace of God".

So maybe, the next time you are tempted to say to an adoptive parent how Lucky their kids are to be adopted by them, switch it around and let the parents know that you see just how blessed THEY are to have their children. Especially in front of the children. The children will hear that THEY are the blessings, and feel great about who, and where they are.

Thanksgiving ABC'S

Saw this on another blog and thought I would join in!

Thanksgiving ABC's

A - Adoption - how I became a mama!
B - Benjamin, my baby boy who is growing too fast!
C - Christ, my Savior and Friend
D - Dan, the best husband in the world and my best friend
E - Everlasting life. So great to have this gift from God!
F - Father, My dad, he is the greatest
G - Grandparents, have been blessed to have so many!!!
H - Hannah, my little bundle of SPUNK!
I - Ice cream...LOVE it!
J - Jesus - He saved my soul!
K - Kneeling- kneeling to pray, quiet time with God.
L - Love. Love for my husband and children, the love I receive back!
M - Mom, she is always there no matter when to help give advice!
N - Nap-time- love my kids so much, but would go crazy without NAP-TIME!!
O - Oreoes !!! YUMMY
P - Pats on the back that can keep ya motivated!
Q - Quiet - when I can get it
R - Rocking-priceless moments rocking my babies to sleep
S - School time- watching the kids learn and grow
T - TOYS!!! they are just plain FUN
U - Unconditional LOVE!
V - Victory I have through Christ!
W - Walking- taking walks with my family and share special time
X - X-rays, that helped treat Hannah in the hospital (X is hard)
Y - Yams, no one makes them like my mom!
Z - Zippers, keep the kids occupied!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

School Days Progress Report!

The kids have been doing A LOT in our daily school time and I thought I would post an update on what they have done.

We do "school time" Mon- Fri (as best we can) for about 30 min a day. They AMAZE me with what they can do and how much they soak up! They are working on letter sounds and writing their letters. They do really good with recognizing the letters. They are both able to use scissors, not really able to cut out a shape, but can cut a straight line on their own! We are trying to learn our numbers, and although they can count well, recognizing the numbers has not clicked yet. It is neat to see the different strengths in the kids. Hannah picked up on her colors so fast and when she does her coloring, it is always so pretty and bright! Ben seems to have a knack for mazes. Whipping them out without having to turn around or stop. Right now we are going through Numbers workbook, Letters workbook, and Motor skills workbook. There are great activities that go with all the workbooks and games to play that the kids love. They have even started to read some basic words. It is neat to hear Ben sound out each sound of each letter! The words they can read are "at, hat, bat, pat, fat, am, ham, jam, bam" Pretty good list for little guys, and they feel so "BIG" when they are reading! Here is a picture of part of our "school time"!

They have their notebooks with their workbooks inside, ready to go!

Here are Hannah's letters. She is working on writing "H", "A", and "N" we still have to work on the "N" and get her "A" turned right side up, but I am proud of her letters and she is too!

I was excited when Ben FINALLY wrote his name in the right order. He can write "B", "E" and "N", but it took awhile to get him to write them in order and next to each other. This is the best he has done so far! I think pretty good for 3 1/2!

We do different crafts and Ben wanted to make paper boats last week. So here they are! We made a bunch and took them to the bathtub to watch them float!

I am loving this time with the kids, watching them learn and being able to be the one to teach them! We have a lot of fun together and I will cherish this time for sure! I have really seen the benefits of teaching them. When we first started out, it was really only 15 min and sometimes the only thing they got was practicing sitting still and listening for that long. I see them able to pay attention longer and starting to self control themselves! I think learning to sit in church with us and Sunday School help with this too. Learning to pay attention and be able to focus on a task.

So there is the update on how the kids are doing in their "school".

"We Dopted's"

Today there was a first. Our dog had puppies 7 weeks ago, and the kids have had a great time with them. Today, as one puppy went to their new home, I tried to explain to my little broken hearted girl that the puppy was going to its new home. I said it was gonna get a new bed and a new house and lots and lots of love in it's new home. The tears were still coming, and that is when Ben, came up and said "the puppy was "dopted", wike us Hannah, we dopteds too". I was stunned a little. I have always been the one who brought up adoption to the kids. I read them stories, and talk about how they were adopted and how wonderful and great it is. But this was the first time, one of them brought it up and it was clear Ben was thinking through what happens when you are adopted. The great part about it, was that he had a great big smile on his face when he said "we dopteds too"!! It was not a bad, or scary or unknown thing to him. It was clear he is starting to understand, and at least for now, being a "dopted" is a good thing to him. I will have to get use to this. As they get older and start to connect the dots. I just pray that I am laying the ground work for them to have a positive look at adoption, and what a blessing adoption is for our family. Ben may only be 3 years old, but he showed me that he has been thinking about it and is starting to understand adoption. So ready or not, here we go, and I need to have answers and depend on God to lead me to say the right things.

ALL THINGS-ADOPTION!

November is Adoption Awareness Month. So I thought I would post a little bit about adoption and my experience. Nothing short of a miracle.

Romans 8:28 - And we KNOW all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose.

This is the verse I think of when I think about our adoptions, our infertility, our "plans" we made and our future. ALL things. ALL things. It is so reassuring. It gives peace.

We signed up with the adoption agency the same month that we started trying to have a baby. We knew the process could take years, and so we thought we would see what happened first, adoption or pregnancy. We had no idea it would take YEARS for both!

It is hard (understatement) to hear the doctor tell you that you will not have a baby without "intervention". -ALL THINGS!

It was hard to look into the "intervention" and know that we could not do it. - ALL THINGS

It was tough, to go to the orientation at the agency and hear the stories of so many little ones who are in so much need, and yet the process to get them would be

daunting and long- ALL THINGS!

It was hard to have a person in our agency, who seemed to work against us at

EVERY turn. ALL THINGS

It was great to see God work it out and nothing this person did could stop us from getting our children. ALL THINGS!

No one saw how hard it was on Dan and I, and yet it pulled us together and we became strong together! ALL THINGS!

It was tough to see others have babies, use names we had picked, show off pictures and celebrate, as if it was just "something everyone could do". God was teaching us. ALL THINGS

The waiting, waiting, waiting and waiting, while my spirit was longing for its purpose...to be a mama. The wondering if I ever would be one. I can't describe that fear...ALL THINGS!

So many who "knew of someone" who was pregnant and might not keep it. These were tough. It felt like it was rubbed in my face, that EVERYONE even those who could not provide for a child could pregnant but not me! ALL THINGS

The horrible nerves that filled me, when heading to our interview to see if we would get our little baby boy. ALL THINGS

The wonderful joy, and unexplainable happieness, when they brought my son into the room and handed him to me. ALL THINGS

The overwhelming fear, walking up to the witness chair in the court room, fighting to keep our son, and then to feel the Grace of God pour over me, and carry me

through the testimony. ALL THINGS

Seeing my husband walk around the corner, and smiling at me, letting me know, our son was here to stay! (say it with me!!!) ALL THINGS!

The wonderful phone call I got, saying we would recieve a daughter, and the greatness of seeing her and falling in love. ALL THINGS.

The terrible helpless feeling, of watching your little baby struggle for breath and praying her little body could hold on until the medications could work! ALL THINGS!

After long days in the hospital, the WONDERFUL relief of watching the color come back to her face and the nurse say "she is breathing better" ALL THINGS

The terrible horrible feeling of taking your baby to bio visits, that stress her out. Having to hold her and comfort her, so she could relax afterwards. ALL THINGS

Hearing the judge set up a plan of ADOPTION for both children! ALL THINGS

Walking out of a court room with two children who were

FOREVER OURS! ALL THINGS!

Adopting was the the hardest most wonderful beautiful experience in my life! And I can look back...as EVERY detail, the good and the bad, the wonderful and the terrible, the peaceful and the terrifying, and see that this verse came alive for us.

ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD!

Is this what I planned on? NO! Is is 1000 times better than what I ever planned myself...YES!

Adoption, I am so blessed by it. I was adopted when I was 7 years old into the Family of God. I adopted two wonderful blessings, when I was 31. I am so glad God had the spirit of adoption towards me! He is the one, teaching me what it truly means to be ADOPTED.

November may be the month adoption is talked about, but everyday in our home,

it is GOOD!