It's for REALS and not for FAKES

It happened. For the first time since adopting my kiddos someone straight out asked me, after finding out my children were adopted, if I had any "real kids". I was speechless. I bit my tongue, wanting to say "um no I only have "fake kids". (You know using the quotation hand gestures and smothering my voice with sarcasm.) I have come to the conclusion that comments like that are out of ignorance. This person was super nice and I knew there was no malice behind the question. And so I stated back to them " They are my real kids, and no I do not have biological children".

Sometimes it is hard to feel the "difference" adoption can create. The feeling of "proving" my position as "mom". I am thankful that my children were not there to hear it. I am not sure how I would have reacted if they were there and heard that question. (Trying to contain the mama bear in me can be difficult at times.)

Everything about them being my children is REAL. Everything about me being their mom is REAL! The sleepless nights are real! The countless diapers and bottles were real. The noses wiped, the teeth brushed the snacks and meals and milk served are real. The boo boos are real, the endless singing of the ABC's is real. Their hearts and minds and bodies are real. Our relationships are real. Our family is REAL!

And they are REALLY REALLY REALLY my children.

AND I REALLY LOVE THEM! REALLY!

Calendar for Tots!

I have found that the kids do SO much better if they know what is on the schedule for the day! I found myself constantly answering "mom what are we gonna do today?" and constantly warning them that so-in-so is about to come, so that they would know what to do. We have so many social workers and therapist coming through the week and with Karate, and Gymnastics and church it can get a bit too much to try and explain to little guys.

So I began to think what could I do to help them. I am not real crafty. I seem to be able to think up the idea, but the execution leaves SO much to be desired. But the beauty of it is, that my kids are little and don't know any different, so they love it, even if mom knows someone else with more talent could do SO much more with the idea!

I got myself a poster board, wrote out the days of the week, bought some velcro and started printing out pictures from the net. And here you have it. Nothing special or pretty or "crafty" but it works for us!

I printed out pics of "dad" with and without a brief case. So they know which days daddy goes to work and which ones he stays home! I made a yellow star, so the kids could move it to the day that it is and know what day we are on! Printed out pics that represent social workers, therapist, karate, gym, church, the doctor, the babysitter, grandparents (for when they are coming to visit, or if the kids will be going to grandparents house for a visit), and a heart for the Valentines day that is coming up. I like this Calendar because all I have to do is print it out and I can add things on with ease and change them each week too.

I can see this done with magnets, and pretty paper and fancy writing and all that jazz. But I know that I live in reality and I needed something fast and cheap. It is working so great for the kids! B and H can read the days of the week and every time they ask "mom what are we doing today?" all I have to say is "check your calendar!"

They seem at ease with knowing who is coming over and what is going on that day, because they are prepared for it. I am really loving how well it is working!

Gotcha Day!!!

This is H's "GOTCHA" day! The day this little tiny bundle of joy entered our family!

She was full of spunk and strength!

Watching her grow has been a blessing to us each day!

Her smile and energy keeps me going!

I can't believe how much she has changed, how much she has grown,

how much she has changed my life... and how much I LOVE HER!

Happy "GOTCHA" day to my girl!

" I Don't Know" But I am still "MOM"

The other day I finished with all the registration forms for Ben to start school next year. We have registered for a few schools, since Ben may not get in for a district transfer. We are praying about it and now it is in the Lord's hands and I am not going to stress about it any more!

I have wondered what the kids starting school might bring up with them being adopted. I am constantly trying to "look ahead" and try to get prepared for what might come up and what the kids may face concerning their adoption. I want to have ready answers for them that are positive and helpful.

I was filling out the paperwork and came to the health page. There was a whole section on how the birth was. Did the baby cry immediately, was the baby alert and active, was there complications, was it a c-section birth and so on and so on.

Perhaps this seems like no big deal to most. But for me, adopting through foster care, you have to FIGHT for your children. This to me is the "labor" part. The fighting in court, the fighting for their rights, fighting for their safety and health (since they come from less than healthy situations), and fighting to be the "MOM". The feeling of waiting and waiting and waiting for a judge to call you "mom", even though for years you have been doing the "work" and the "loving" of a mom.

These three children who are in this house are MY children. I AM their MOM! But the state only recognizes TWO of them as such. It feels like I am fighting for my position, to be what is automatic for mothers who give birth. But in my heart and my actions I am the mom. I could not be MORE the mom, if I had given birth to them! So when something like these questions on the forms come up, it reminds me. I... don't... know the answers to these questions. I only have limited information about their birth. And for one I have NO information about the birth. BUT I am the "mom"! I am suppose to know these things. It is a weird, sad, feeling. Nothing that gets me depressed for weeks or anything like that. But right there in the moment, I wished I knew the answers.

When I was turning the papers in, I told the lady at the desk that some of the questions were not answered on the health part. I explained that he was adopted and we did not have a whole lot of birth information. She of course was fine with that and said no problem.

I wonder what things will come up when he starts school. When he gets questions from other kids. I pray that we will be able to make sure they are confident in themselves and how God has chosen to place them in a family.

So even though I may not know all the details that most moms know, it does not matter because.... I am still "the mom".

Losing Weight!

I think most people have losing weight on their mind. I know I do. After all the yummy Holiday meals and candy and sweets. I am working on losing the weight but this year I want to add on loosing a DIFFERENT kinda of weight. The weight that I find myself carrying around day after day. The weight that the Lord has told me NOT to carry. I have failed miserably at this and have decided that with the new eating habits and excersise for my physical health, I need to EXCERSISE my FAITH! The Lord did not make my shoulders to carry all the things I find myself carrying! The worry, frustration, stress and fear. This is weighing me down and draining my energy. I need to INCREASE my portions of my Daily Bread and work out my spiritual "muscles". The Lord wants to carry these "heavy" things for me. And I am the one who needs to GIVE it to Him. So, as I begin the new year, I will add to my physical goal of loosing weight and getting healthy, a SPIRITUAL work out plan. I am going to start working through the book MADE TO CRAVE by Lysa TerKeurst. I am looking forward to this study! I am liking how I am feeling, with loosing some of my physical weight, but I am EXCITED about working on loosing the other weights that have me weighed down! I am EXCITED about getting closer to my God and letting Him have more of my life! And when I do, I know loosing the physical weight will get easier!

Happy (lighter) New Year!!!!

This Year Will Be Different!

It is amazing to look back at all that has happened this past year. This week will mark one year since we met our youngest daughter, little Ruth. She has been through such a change!

We got the call about her and met her the very next day. 2 days before Christmas Eve! When we met her, she was not the little girl who lives with us today! She was wounded, sad, scared and seemed tired from life at only one year old. Her little whimper of a cry and fear in her eyes, are etched into my memory. She had been through more than we will ever really know. We brought her home, and started the journey of trying to help this little one heal. It was tough to watch. Her little body exaughisted. She would sit and rock with me, but if I put her down, she would walk to the corner, sit and pull her hair. Something we saw her do every time she was scared or stressed. The back of her hair was rough and broken from all the pulling. She would eat and eat and eat. It was a good six weeks until she would stop eating on her own. Till she knew she would for sure be getting more food.

She slowly started to let my husband hold her. He had an uphill battle to teach her she could trust him. She was silent. Never talking or singing, only whimpering when she needed something or was overwhelmed. My focus was on bonding with her, rocking her and holding her close. It was really what we both needed. Just to sit and rock and hold her.

Her first morning in our home was Christmas morning. You would think it would be GREAT for her. But she was still fragile, scared and untrusting. She liked the toys and the gifts and treats, but was guarded. She held back, unsure of herself. Slowly she started to relax. She grew to trust me, and then Dan. She developed relationships with her brother and sister. She stopped pulling her hair. She started eating a normal amounts of food at meal times. She looked to Dan and I to see if a situation was "ok" or not, and began to trust us.

This year, at Christmas, she is a different girl! She is singing ALL THE TIME around the house. She is playing with her baby dolls and hot wheels (she loves cars!). She has healthy, beautiful hair. She states her mind and has determination! She smiles.

I can't wait to see her this Christmas, running, playing, smiling and laughing! Ripping open her presents and enjoying it. This year, there will be no fear and no stress. She can just be a little girl, having a wonderful Christmas with her family.

What a year! I thank God that He brought her through all that pain and fear, to the place she is now. The sparkle in her eyes is priceless. This Christmas I will be most grateful for her "recovery" and her triumph. She has been through a lot and worked so hard. I am so proud of my girl!

Where Does My Lady Live?

The other day, Dan told me that the kids had been asking him some "adoption" questions. I have done so much in preparation for these times. Trying to make sure that I have answers that are age appropriate and also let them know the truth. And with three children ages 2, 3, and 4 the questions are going to come! But we will not know just how each child will do with learning about it, until we just go through it.

Our dog had puppies about 4 wks ago and the kids are REALLY into how that all happened. They talk about how Gertie "laid" puppies :) This comes from us having chickens and the chickens laying eggs. They have asked if Gertie is the puppies mommy and all the normal questions. But the other day they asked Dan "who laid me?" Dan said he explained that they did not grow in my tummy, but in another woman's tummy. He told them that the other woman was sick because of taking bad drugs and could not take care of them.

Dan was wearing his T-shirt with a picture of the United States on it, covered in stars and stripes. Ben has always asked where we live on the picture and we point to it. Dan said a little bit after their little conversation, Ben came up and asked "where does my lady live?"

It is neat to hear what they come up with, and how they are thinking about things.

* (on a side note)Personally, I like how Ben put it. To me, (this is just MY opinion) the title of "MOM" is earned. It is not something that is just handed out because you conceive. You earn the title by your action AFTER you conceive. The selfless act of giving your child up for adoption, because you know it is best for your baby, is an act of a mother. Abusing your child until the state takes them away, to me does not merit the "mom" status. We do talk to the kids about their "birth mom" (and will continue to do so) but I like how my son put it. His "lady".*

They are growing and starting to understand. Their story books are working out GREAT and it seems to answer all their questions so far. When they were babies, there were no questions. We were just a family. And now we begin the explanation of "how we became a family".

Just last night Ben was laying on the couch and looked over at me and said "did we live in a different home before we lived here with you and daddy?" I said "yes, for a little while until God said it was time for you to come live with mom and dad." He was fine with that answer. I see them starting to understand. Little R's adoption should be final in the spring or summer of next year. I know this will be a neat time for our family. Going to court, and being able to explain to B and H that we did the same thing for their adoption (they were too little to remember). This will be another time when we expect more questions.

My prayer is that while we go through this time of questioning, that our answers will give them a positive feeling about being adopted and to be grounded and firm in the fact that God himself is the one who put our family together one piece at a time