My BIGGEST dream...my worst enemy!

It is no secret that I have "female" problems! I have since I was a teen. There has never really been a time where I was "NORMAL" in this area. I was diagnosed with PCOS (poly cystic ovary syndrome) a while ago!! And let me tell you, IT...IS...PAINFUL! There is nothing easy about my cycles. I am in the middle of some "pain" right now. I have an apt to go to the doctor tomorrow, since it is hurting so bad.
I have a hard time with bouncing back and forth. Sometimes, having these cysts come up and hurt so bad, makes me want to have them just "take it all out!!" and then I remember, that the reproductive part of me, may be my worst enemy, but it is the only way for my "biggest dream" to come true. Can you hate and love a part of yourself at the same time??????? I am venting and little bit. But it just can get so old. I am so tired of hurting. The physical pain can sure wear ya down.
I keep telling myself that I need all those parts to have a baby, but year after year after year of cysts that seem to get bigger and worse as I get older, it just feels like a big contradiction. I love it, I hate it.
This is one of those things that I "can't" change. This is what I have. My right ovary develops cysts. I can't stop it. And so I guess at times like this, when it hurts and I am ready to lose my mind, it is hard to know that there are still years of this ahead of me.