Mommy Instincts

Being a mom is so easy for me. It is part of who I am, it was even before I had my own children. Becoming a mom seems to be where I have to struggle. With two adoptions under my belt, it is easy to forget just how hard a struggle it was to adopt our boy and girl. I had not forgotten that it was LONG and HARD, but I had forgotten the little hard details. The ones I am being reminded of, as we start again with this little 15 month old baby. The moment my eyes saw her, and my arms held her, the mother instincts kicked in, and I was one hundred percent dedicated to protecting, loving and nurturing this little wounded baby. When you go through fost adopt, there are perks and there are the draw backs. One of the perks, is that you get to receive the children and start bonding, instead of having to wait for the court to finalize. One of the draw backs, is knowing that your child is in foster care because of abuse or neglect. To hurt a child is beyond my minds understanding. And yet, there are three here in this house, who have know some form of abuse. As a mother, I would NEVER let anyone get away with hurting my child, and yet it feels like I have.

The fost adopt process is not for the faint of heart. I have had to start again with taking this little one to bio visits, until the court process can take place. I have to go from, holding her, rocking her, protecting her, to taking her and dropping her off to visit (supervised) with someone who has hurt her. As a MOM I would NEVER do that! And so begins the remembering how it was with our other two. How difficult it was to drop them off. Feeling like their mom, and yet having to act like I was not. The great thing is, that even though it felt like visits would never end, they did, and those two babies are ours forever. That is a good reminder for me, as I start the road again with this little precious one. I will do what I MUST and love her as much as I can. Protect her as much as I can, and try my best to balance my DUTY, with my MOMMY INSTINCTS. All three of my children are worth it. My feelings and struggles come second to their needs. And that is the most basic of Mommy Instincts.