I saw this quote and thought WOW! SO SO true! There are so many parts of being a foster parent that go against all logic! Times when you have to make your heart take over when your brain is yelling and screaming at you "NO NO!!!!"
Ever heard someone say "Who in their RIGHT mind would do that?" Well the thing is, it can't be your MIND, it has to be your heart!
When you have to take your little one to visits that you KNOW will give them nightmares and cause them to shut down and sit in a corner pulling their hair for the next 24 hours. Who would do that to their child???? How do you get your brain to let you hand over your fragile baby, to a situation you know will cause emotional harm? You do it with your heart.
It makes me think back to when my little four month old H was doing visits. The social worker who was supervising the visits, was someone I did not trust. I for sure did not trust the birth parents, as they had already shown what they were capable of with the 5 previous children. But the LAW said I had to go against my mother instincts and leave her there. I was aware of what would happen when I picked her up. The routine was that I would drop off a happy baby and pick up a "checked out" baby. She would be very quiet, still and stare off into space. We would make the drive home and I would immediately pick her up and rock her for at least an hour or more. This is what it would take to get "her back". She would have the eye contact again, the coos, the giggles and the movement. So how did I keep taking her back? It is even harder when you get the reports and it states things that went on in the visit that were "technically" not wrong but something you would NEVER do!
This is when all logic has to take a hike. And your heart has to take over. You have to look at the bigger picture and know that if you just get through it and you get your baby through it, she will get to stay and you can keep her safe and healthy. And... you... Pray!. You pray with all your heart. You pray that you can just make it through one more visit. That you can hold it together at 2 am when they have their nightmares after each visit. That you can help them calm down and stop sitting in the corner pulling their hair because of the stress. That you can once again physically hand them over, and walk away.
When B was having visits, his birthmom was appropriate. It was hard to leave him, but I was not worried about what it would do to him. He seemed to handle them just fine and his birthmom seemed to be good with him. And yet still... as a mommy of a three month old, I would never have just dropped him off like that twice a week and just drive away.
Your heart has to take over when you are starting the process of adopting! When you KNOW that you will fall in love with the children you get and you will have NO assurance you will be able to keep them. At anytime they could move them or send them back. Once you get your child, and read what they and their siblings have been through, your mind just can't make sense of how the system asks even more from these innocent children. And although you disagree, you become part of it. You are the one, taking them to the visits, and for most, the one packing their things and letting them go. I praise my Heavenly Father I have not had to do that. He has blessed us with three who came and who stayed.
If you only THINK about fostering or fost adopt, you would not do it. It is too hard and makes no sense. It is your HEART that takes you down that road.
You know you are a foster parent if your heart is bigger than your brain!
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