I'm a "SUPERSTAR"!!!!!

I may not be an "A" lister actress, or a superstar singer, or a famous reality TV star...BUT in this house I feel like A SUPERSTAR!

Yes, in all the cool ways! I love how my kids think I can "fix anything" or "make anything" or "make everything better". I love the attention with all the hugs and kisses and little voices calling for me! It makes my life so spectacular and I am soaking in every minute of it!!! It is an awesome feeling to mean so much to these three little blessings!

On the FLIP side. Some days it feels like these little ones are like the mini "paparazzi" squad!!!! I can't eat, sleep, get dressed, shower, use the restroom, do my hair, cook, clean or just sit, without THEM!!! All that is missing are little cameras in their hands!!! LOL! It is hard to remember when I would go to the bathroom without the door flying open and a little one's head popping in to "find mama". This house in my own little personal Hollywood! I get NO privacy and they LOVE me to death!

Yes, at times it gets old and a little much to handle, but most of the time, I soak it in. Knowing they are growing fast and soon they will be three high schoolers who don't have that "need" to know where mama is all the time. They will be spreading their wings and leaving the nest at some point. And then it will feel lonely.

So for now, I will gladly be the "A" lister in my house. The one that everyone wants all at the same time!! At this time in my life, I am loving the fact that my family, "just can't get enough of me!" :)

Am I fit to be a parent?

Today we are getting interviewed by state adoptions. We have done this before...but I am still a bit nervous. You feel like you are under a microscope and it is not an "everyday" thing to get interviewed to see if you are suitable to adopt and parent a child. This is just the first step. They will interview us together, then one at a time then interview our children and inspect the house. It is all necessary! I am not opposed to it. What I AM opposed to is that it does NOT go both ways! I mean REALLY! After say 3, 4, 5, 6, 7!!! children that you abuse and lose, you'd THINK they would make THEM go through this process BEFORE being able to produce, abuse and lose MORE INNOCENT children! (can you tell I am a little "fed up" with the system...sorry)

Anyway, today marks the start of the "adoption" part of this process for us. At least on our end. It will take a lot of time and paper work before the we are in front of a judge and signing the papers, but today we take step ONE!

And so yes, the FRANTIC cleaning and planning when to put the kids down for nap has happened and I "think" I am ready ;) With these visits, I am constantly trying to "make up for lost time". Can't wait for when I can be home with my kids with a schedule and be able to keep up with the house and meals! I miss being home with my kids!

Rambling. Better go finish the kitchen and then I think we are ready to see if we are fit to be parents!

LIKE A TON OF BRICKS!

My boy had his birthday last month. And I "knew" he was four years old, but it HIT me yesterday. Hit me like a ton of bricks.

I took him in for his four year check up. Everything was different. When we got to the room, the nurse took him out in the hall (without mama *sniff sniff*) to weigh and measure him. I have always gone and put them on the scale! Then time for the eye test. This was new, and my boy sat up on the table on his own and answered the nurses questions. Only needing mama to help out in the end and keep him on task. Then back to mama's lap (WHERE HE BELONGS) to get his finger pricked for the iron test. He then went back to my little boy Ben who needed his mama to make it all better. The doctor came in and checked him out from head to toe. He is 95% for his height and weight! He barley fit on my lap for the exam. (but mama was so glad he chose my lap when the doctor game him the choice of the table or me!) As I sat there with my boy, I felt tears coming into my eyes. He was OLD. He was not a baby, not even a toddler. He is now, a Full Fledged KID! Then the doctor started talking about kindergarten. Now he will not start until he is 5, but as far as the shots he needs, she said he could get some done that day if we wanted. We decided two shots that day and then that will only leave two more for him before he starts school. GULP...STARTS SCHOOL! WHAT!!!????? NO WAY!

In my mind Ben is this...

My happy, sweet BABY

I miss those BIG CHEEKS

Those cute hats!

I miss THIS!

And now we are talking about school, and riding bikes. He has grown into a handsome young boy, who has my heart. He is a smart kid, who makes me laugh, and teaches me patience everyday. His tender heart amazes me and I am proud of who he is!

But it scares me to death! I know how to be a mama to babies, and toddlers. I am NOT READY for this "Big Kid".

I want my baby boy back. The one who says he "needs mama".

Cause mama sure needs him!

At the end of the doctors visit, they did a hearing test. He sat up on the table with those "big kid" head phones on and I looked at my boy. (I was sooo excited when he said "mama will you stand beside me?") I still see my chubby little baby, but I know he is growing up, and my heart is aching, I am not ready. But as they say, "READY OR NOT" and I know that I will survive. I love watching Ben grow and am happy to see how happy he is.

But for THIS mama, when I think of my boy, THIS is what I see.

HELLO!!!!!!

The other day I heard a short little conversation between my two oldest that hit me and got my attention. It was one of those conversations that took 20 seconds to say, but taught me SO much! I was in the kitchen finishing up dinner (I was nervous about this dinner, because it was one of those, "make something out of what is in the cupboards", nights and with THIS cook that can be disastrous) The kids were getting into their high chairs and chattering away while they did. That is when I heard Hannah ask her brother "why we have a new baby?" (Hannah is in the question stage, as you can tell from this post) Ben answered her quick and with thick "HELLO!!" sarcasm..."cuz God sent her to us"!!! It sounded like there should have been a "duh" at the end of it. It was not mean, but said in a way that he was only stating the obvious and that she should know that the answer is PLAIN and SIMPLE! "God sent her to us" The end. And the best part of the conversation was Hannah's answer to Ben. "oh, otay"

Oh how I wish I could be that strong in my faith all the time. To keep it Plain and Simple. To know that God has a plan, He is in control, and it is not for me to question His actions. And if I do ever question "why" something has happened, or "why" things are the way they are, I should be as swift to accept the answer as my little girl was, "oh otay"! There is NO worry when I know that God is the one who holds my present and my future.

These lessons from my little ones, are the best! They stick with me and humble me. Oh to have the faith of a little child.

Friday's Favorite Things!

Friday's Favorite Things!

-having My husband make my birthday SO special!

-watching my son turn four and LOVE his "wocket" party

-listening to Ruth start to sing along with her brother and sister

-my mom's chicken and dumplin's!!!!! MMMMMMMMMMMM!

-my NEW HUGE COMFY CHAIR!!!!!!!!!

-the sunshine! AND the rain!

-hearing Ruth say daddy to Dan! YES!!!! (okay it was "da" but it was the best she could do!)

-hearing "mom, I wub you" from my kids!

-watching Ruth master using a fork and spoon on her own!

-God's UN-ENDING GRACE AND LOVE!

"why Dod do dat?"

Today we celebrated Ben's birthday! It was a great day and Ben was on CLOUD NINE! On our drive up to the party, we had a interesting conversation with our middle child! Our teeny tiny three year old, with a bright mind that takes us by surprise often! From her bright pink car seat behind me in the van, her little voice said "why Ben dopted when hims a yittle baby?" Yep, right then I knew that our conversations about adoption are starting to sink in with her and she is putting things together in her mind. I said "cause God knew that mama and daddy needed a special boy and He gave us Ben". She said "and Dod dave you a yittle sister and a new baby?" she was talking about herself, (we call her sissy, or little sister) and Ruth, is our "new baby". I said "yeah, God gave mama and daddy sissy and Ruthie." She paused for a couple of moments and said "why Dod do dat?" I repeated that God knew we needed the kids and that He sent them to us and that we are a family. But it did not satisfy her "but why Dod do dat?" It was clear that she is starting to understand and starting to try to figure things out. She switched to another topic, but in my mind I kept hearing her little voice ask the question "why Dod do dat?" And I do not have the answer. Why did God bless me with three wonderful, beautiful, precious souls. Not because I am worthy of it FOR SURE. I will never understand how I came to be so blessed with these little ones, but as I sat there in the van, listening to the talking and singing from my kids, all I could think was "THANK YOU DOD FOR DOING DAT!"

4!

MY BABY IS 4 Years old! I love you Ben Boy!