RUTHIE'S ADOPTION DAY!

Waiting. Patience. These two words have been our life the last 10 years!

I chuckle when I think about how Dan and I had it all planned out. 3 years married and then start a family. There is a song I sang at church and the title is "When God Has Another Plan". Right now, sitting in my home, with my THREE children sleeping safe and sound and healthy , I am so completely grateful that God had another plan for Dan and I. I am a "barren" woman, and as Psalm 113:9 says, "He has made me a joyful mother of children"!

In just a few more hours we go to court to finalize Ruthie's adoption! 18 months after meeting her, she will finally be legally ours. She will have our name! This long process of "having a child" will be over!

It is making me remember the day we met her. It was a happy day, in the sense that we were being blessed with another child, but it was a hard, sad day too. She was so scared, and little and I can hear her little whimpering cry clear as day still. Her eyes shot around the room constantly checking to see what everyone was doing. It was hard for her, but she let us hold her.

I wanted to take her in my arms and leave. To drive her to our house right then and just hold her and rock her. To protect her wounded heart until she could relax and not be so scared. At 15 months old she had already lived through too much! Her face and body showed it. She was wounded.

This was not like when I brought Ben and Hannah home. They were infants. They were taken straight from the hospital and never lived in an abusive home. Ruthie would take time and patience and lots and lots of love. It has been a tough road. As all foster adoptions are. At first it was simple things we had to work on. Like not pulling her hair, and learning to stop eating on her own. It took a good 6 weeks for her to become confident that there would be a next meal and snacks every single day. She finally stopped eating when she was full, instead of stuffing herself at every meal. She sure enjoyed herself while eating though :)

I learned FAST that one of her FAVORITES was spaghetti!!!

Her new brother and sister were the ones who helped her the most those first few months. Dan and I did all we could to help her, but being with the kids was what she needed. This little one had to learn to "play". To relax and let herself have fun. And Ben and Hannah were just the ones to do that! We watched her go from spectator, sitting in the corner watching them play, to being completley involved in whatever is going on! They are quite a threesome! During the first five months, while visits were still going on, she was in survival mode. Just trying to deal with what the visits did to her emotionally, was a lot for a little one. It was neat to see the older two, especially Benjamin become protective of her and concerned when she would cry and whimper on the way home after a visit. They took on their role of older siblings in a wonderful way and did so much for their little sister!

She is a special little girl and I am so so so blessed to be able to be her mama! It is neat to see her grow and learn. What a journey this has been! As the last part of Psalm 113:9 says...

Praise Ye The Lord!

NO SLEEP!!!!!- So how about some FLOWER PENS!

This past weekend, we moved some rooms around. It took ALL last week of me working every day to clean out and organize things so that on Saturday, Dan and I could move things all around! It was a long day, but a good one! I am glad to be done with it! And it feels good to have things organized and cleaned. On Saturday night I did not fall asleep

till about 1:30AM and then up early to get the kids ready for church on Sunday. (Dan was getting sick, so told him to sleep in) Sunday was church, and then home to watch the kids so Dan could go to bed and get some rest. Was up till about 2 am, FINALLY fell asleep and then Ben woke up to tell me that the music I had put on for them to fall asleep to, was not on anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I was awake again and did not fall asleep till 4:30am. Then it was up with the kids to start this Monday. I was just WAITING for nap/quiet time so I could catch an hour of sleep and maybe feel a bit better after resting. NOT!!!!!! The little one wont fall asleep and the big ones keep "just needing" something and the phone (that has been quiet ALL morning) has now rang a total of 6... yep SIX times in the one precious golden hour I was looking forward to!!!!! Gonna have to get some caffeine!!! So since I want to avoid the dishes in the sink for just a tad bit longer, I decided why not blog about the craft my Sunday School class of toddlers made for their mommies yesterday!!!!

I went to the $ store and bought some clear writing pens (BIC) and took the end cap out, then printed out three sayings. One pen said "I love you MOM", another said "Proverbs 31:28 and the last one said "Happy Mothers Day". (I wanted them to be in pretty pink and purple lettering, but my printer was only doing black, so had to stick with that) Since my class is ages 2-5 I rolled the paper and put them inside the pens before hand. Then I got lots of flowers for the kids to choose from. They each chose three flowers they thought their mommy would like and with a dab of hot glue (done by my husband helper!!!) the flowers were the new toppers for the pens.

With some ribbon I tied them together and each child had a nice little "bouquet" to give to mom! I thought they turned out really cute! AND the great thing is, since my children are ages 2, 4, and 5 I got NINE flower pens!!!! I put them in a pretty cup right by the phone and have already used them several times today!

The making of a Darth Vader Cake!

Ben had his 5th birthday party couple weeks ago. He is VERY VERY into Star Wars. His favorite is Darth Vader! I am not sure who had more fun, the kids at the party, or Dan and I planning it! I LOVE being able to throw parties for my kids. I was not always sure I would have children to be able to do things like this for. So now that we have three AWESOME kids, I don't take it for granted, and I enjoy every part of it! So Dan said to me, how about making a Darth Vader cake! Now I was straight up honest with him. I said that "I" could not make one, but that I was sure "he" could! My husband has got this way of being able figure out how to do anything and he always does a good job! So I thought I would show you just how he made Ben's cake.

He started with some pipe fastened to a board. He carved the mask part out of rice cereal treats and then stacked the cakes. He made red for the neck and green cake with red and blue marbled in for the veins of the brain!!! We had cooked and frozen the cakes a couple days before the party.

Here he is deep in thought! Carving the top of the head!

Adding the flare of the helmet on the sides!

Let the BLACK icing begin! (I mixed that up... yep opened the pre packaged icing and added the coloring gel... and stirred. I know SO talented!)

Popped out the lenses from dollar store sun glasses for Vader's eyes!

Dan took some little marshmallows, wrapped them in foil, stuck them on a toothpick and made the "bolts" for the mask.

The Cake was a HIT!

And the brains looked pretty awesome too!!!!

I just have to say...

MY HUSBAND IS AN AWESOME DADDY!!

I Did Not "Lose" Her

Last week, my grandmother went home to be with the Lord. I am going to miss her so much. She was my "marriage counselor". I always seemed to get practical solid advice from her on what my part was in marriage. And she made me a better wife for taking the time to teach me. She was much much more than that through out my life. She was a strong woman. And she loved the Lord.

Something that has caught my attention is people saying to me "I'm sorry you lost your grandmother." It is a normal thing to say, but it got my brain working. And it makes me want to reply back, "I did not lose her, I know just where she is". There must be such heartache for families who have a loved one die, and they truly have "LOST" them. They don't know where they are.

What great peace and joy for our family to know that as soon as my grandma was absent from her body, she was present with the Lord! The preacher at her funereal said "she is not dormant, she is still living and active" I love to think about that. To know that she has met our little sprout! To know that she has seen her mother, and that she is with Jesus!

She has "passed on" but she is anything but "lost". Praise the Lord!

You Know You Are A Foster Parent If...

You Know You Are A Foster Parent If Your Heart Is Bigger Than Your Brain!

I saw this quote and thought WOW! SO SO true! There are so many parts of being a foster parent that go against all logic! Times when you have to make your heart take over when your brain is yelling and screaming at you "NO NO!!!!"

Ever heard someone say "Who in their RIGHT mind would do that?" Well the thing is, it can't be your MIND, it has to be your heart!

When you have to take your little one to visits that you KNOW will give them nightmares and cause them to shut down and sit in a corner pulling their hair for the next 24 hours. Who would do that to their child???? How do you get your brain to let you hand over your fragile baby, to a situation you know will cause emotional harm? You do it with your heart.

It makes me think back to when my little four month old H was doing visits. The social worker who was supervising the visits, was someone I did not trust. I for sure did not trust the birth parents, as they had already shown what they were capable of with the 5 previous children. But the LAW said I had to go against my mother instincts and leave her there. I was aware of what would happen when I picked her up. The routine was that I would drop off a happy baby and pick up a "checked out" baby. She would be very quiet, still and stare off into space. We would make the drive home and I would immediately pick her up and rock her for at least an hour or more. This is what it would take to get "her back". She would have the eye contact again, the coos, the giggles and the movement. So how did I keep taking her back? It is even harder when you get the reports and it states things that went on in the visit that were "technically" not wrong but something you would NEVER do!

This is when all logic has to take a hike. And your heart has to take over. You have to look at the bigger picture and know that if you just get through it and you get your baby through it, she will get to stay and you can keep her safe and healthy. And... you... Pray!. You pray with all your heart. You pray that you can just make it through one more visit. That you can hold it together at 2 am when they have their nightmares after each visit. That you can help them calm down and stop sitting in the corner pulling their hair because of the stress. That you can once again physically hand them over, and walk away.

When B was having visits, his birthmom was appropriate. It was hard to leave him, but I was not worried about what it would do to him. He seemed to handle them just fine and his birthmom seemed to be good with him. And yet still... as a mommy of a three month old, I would never have just dropped him off like that twice a week and just drive away.

Your heart has to take over when you are starting the process of adopting! When you KNOW that you will fall in love with the children you get and you will have NO assurance you will be able to keep them. At anytime they could move them or send them back. Once you get your child, and read what they and their siblings have been through, your mind just can't make sense of how the system asks even more from these innocent children. And although you disagree, you become part of it. You are the one, taking them to the visits, and for most, the one packing their things and letting them go. I praise my Heavenly Father I have not had to do that. He has blessed us with three who came and who stayed.

If you only THINK about fostering or fost adopt, you would not do it. It is too hard and makes no sense. It is your HEART that takes you down that road.

You know you are a foster parent if your heart is bigger than your brain!

"Look at My Baby I Just Got"

While we were going through classes for adopting, I remember one lesson about how that your children may not be "talking" about being adopted, but often they are "thinking" about it. It was a lesson for the parents to be aware that even if they don't talk about it, they are thinking about it and trying to figure it out. I have the kids books I read to them, and if it comes up I talk about their adoptions and try to teach them the vocabulary they need to know. But other than that, it is not talked about A LOT.

The kids are growing and they are understanding SO much! I have tried to make sure I explain the best I can about how they were born and how God decided to create our family. B and H are both getting bigger and starting to show that they understand more and more about how they were adopted. H showed me she is "thinking" about it more than I knew.

Yesterday she walked up to me with her baby doll cradled in her arms and said to me (all excited) "look at my baby I just got! she grew in another woman's tummy, but I am her mama!"

It is neat to see when they act out the things they are learning and showing that they understand. She was so excited about her baby! I responded to her "so you adopted your baby?" to which she replied with a smile "yep" and left back to her room to play.

I am praying that these first lessons about adoption and how great we think it is, will stick with them for always. Hoping to create lines of communication that will be open and welcoming for them to share!

My Piano

I am a piano player. Not the greatest for sure! But still, I can pretty much hold my own. I taught piano for 13 years. I absolutely LOVE teaching piano! I have not taught in four years, as my life has been changed by three wonderful little lives that I now spend everyday caring for. I love my job now! Would not change things!
But tonight, with the kids in bed and Dan watching something on the sports channel, I was sitting in the living room trying to make sure I am remembering everything I need to get done before we leave on our trip. I suddenly had the strongest urge to play my piano. Just to sit down and play whatever I want. To get that break from time and to do lists and relax with music! Since the kids have entered the home, my play time went from everyday to only when I play for church. This is how it should be. They will get older and I will slowly get my time back to play. But tonight, I wondered how it could be that I so BADLY want to play MY piano. Not the churches piano, but MINE! The one I learned on, I taught on! The one in my bedroom sitting there looking so beautiful and inviting! It was a gift from my Aunt Gail. It made me feel so special when she gave it to me! Something so important, and she gave it to me! It is weird, but it is like I have a relationship with that piano. I have spent So much time with it. It is like an old friend. One that lets me get my feelings out, and always makes me feel better after I have had some alone time to play.
It is amazing how playing my piano can uplift me and feed my soul. Playing a song about my Savior and His love for me, or a child's lullaby that reminds me of little ones, or a fast and fun tune that makes me smile! I am longing for that right now. Wanting an empty room with just me and my piano! I am so grateful that my parents gave me piano lessons! As a parent now, I see just how much they put into making those lessons happen. The money, the time to take me each week, and the pain they must have endured while I practiced!!! I am So glad they gave me the gift of music. This gift of theirs just keeps on giving. I can sit and play and be encouraged and release stress, just by playing music. Music is a powerful thing! I am looking forward to teaching my children how to play. And I am looking forward to more time with my piano, as my children get bigger!
For now, I will have to be patient and wait.